guess the blogger babyface : round 2 is up!
I made a button for it, too, if you want to link to it. it’s up there, under buttons. have fun! and remember — now send me your senior photos from high school, with a recent picture of you, your url and site name. if you want me to use the same adult pic you sent in for babyface, just lemme know.

late night randomness:

1. have you ever been so overtired that you actually feel too awake to go to sleep?
2. su has an amazing new layout. as always, she rocks.
3. round 2 of guess the blogger babyface will be up as soon as I get that one last picture from one of the participants. it’s a toughie. and please, send me your senior pics from high school!
4. if you use aol IM, go here. but beware, it really is adult-oriented…and somewhat distubring.
5. I’m craving orange juice in a serious way, but I’m too lazy to get up and get a glass. I’m secretly sending brainwaves to jay in the hopes that he’ll get up, wondering why he’s doing so, and ask me if I need anything from the kitchen.

can you tell I’m exhausted?
(p.s. it worked! he got up to get some ice cream, and asked me if I wanted some oj. of course, he read this post first, but hell, I didn’t have to move my arse from the couch, and that’s what really matters, right?)

and to help explain last night — tonight is a full moon…it’s going to be the brightest and closest moon of the year…it doesn’t get any closer to the earth than tonight…explains a lot. damn, that tidal pull — here’s hoping tonight’s nothing like last night!

happy thoughts. all about the happy thoughts.
jay’s birthday’s next week, which means we get to see good friends this weekend to celebrate. my brother’s girlfriend, danielle, now has a blog, clouds and tears, though I can’t seem to get her comments to work. my brother will have a blog, too, as soon as I can set it up for him. I’ve got some new buttons, down on the right. and I couldn’t wear overalls and pigtails today, so I made a little pixie picture of what I wish I could be like. I’m hanging on to delusions that su and I are going to be hippie-dress makers. the wedding’s less than a year away. leaf’s in a couple of months, and falcon ridge gets me rowdy just thinking about it.
any happy thoughts you’d like to share?

Whenever I feel like I don’t have control over some aspect of my life, I clean. This morning, I’ve managed to brillo off the top half of my finger scrubbing in between the tiles in the shower.
Seriously — if the house is clean, I feel, in a way, that my brain is a little cleaner, too. It’s hard to sort out my life when I can’t get through the laundry to the bed.
Work has been trying lately. It’s hard to keep in mind that these kids are just that — kids. Every emotion they’re feeling, every fight with their mom, every spat with a friend — I did all these things at 15, too. And at the time, they hurt that much, too. But it’s hard not to get emotionally involved when I see these girls every day, and know so much more about their lives than most people.
Last night really tested that. Two of my girls, both of whom mean the world to me, tore each other apart in group. Group’s been faltering — as tight as those girls can be, they have serious falling outs as well. I mananged to hold up while one screamed at the other, but the moment everyone took off to cry in their respective corners, I went into the office and lost it. And what hurts the most is that I really don’t think the situation’s going to be resolved. Everyone’s too hurt this time.
I admit it — I’m more emotional than I like. Once I’m worked up, I have a very hard time coming down. It kills me to know there’s only so much I can do to make their lives a little better. It hurts to know I did nothing last night to make anyone walk away knowing the problem had been worked on. There was nothing I could do. I’m not good at handling that. I like control — I need to feel in control. And I don’t.
So, the house smells like a mix of Sun & Earth, Soft Scrub and carpet sprinkle. If I had more time, I’m sure the drawers would be emptied, and everything refolded, nice and neat. And I’ll go into work, reorganize my desk, make a list of little tedious things, just so I have something to cross off, to feel like I’ve accomplished something. I hate starting the day already feeling like this.

I’m exhausted.
I don’t know how much more I can handle the emotional rollercoasters of a dozen teenaged girls.
I swear, you can totally tell it’s almost a full moon — the center was a nightmare tonight. I think I’m going to give my own children to my mother until they’re eighteen and ready to go off to college.

what an interesting fifteen-minute surf. I found out christine has started her own hosting service (which flat out rocks), candi has managed to make me piss my pants — yet again, su used to have multi-colored hair, jess asked janet to be a bridesmaid, and matt and nathan both have happy new homes. (and, oh yeah — matt bought me Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day! I love this book!)
how wonderful is it that I have a fiance who loves to do grocery shopping — by himself? sure, I love helping out every so often — but it gives him time to mosey up and down the aisles, and I get some time home by myself.
which means: you get my 12 things you may not know about me!

1. My parents called me “Sandra Heartburn” growing up, since I overreacted to everything. I still do — people at work call me the “drama queen” — as much as I try not to live up to the name.
2. I had my heart broken, painfully, in college. It took almost two years to recover.
3. Oddly, he called two days after Jay and I got together. That’s how I knew I was over it.
4. I’m so self-conscious about my body, I can’t sleep naked. Even in the car, I keep a jacket over my lap. It hides my belly.
5. I’m bisexual. always have been. I’m out almost 8 years — Jay was with me in high school when I said, “I think everyone questions their sexuality…” and jokes that if he gets a lap dance for his bachelor party, so do I!
6. I need a good amount of time to myself, or I turn into super-bitch.
7. Linda, who I met in the third grade, is still one of my best friends (that’s 20 years!)
8. I get uncomfortable when people buy me gifts — even if it’s my birthday or christmas.
9. I used to play the violin and the piano (heather was even my stand partner in high school!)
10. I believe in psychics, reincarnation and karma — so much that I believe my grandmother (who had died years earlier) phoned us during a family reunion. I’ll tell you about it sometime.
11. I once knocked myself unconscious in college.
12. I very strongly dislike basements. I don’t like the idea of having that much building above me, and besides, basements just give me the creeps.

btw, our hosting company sucks hairy moose balls, so we’ve switched to aletia (sorry christine, we did it last week!). the dns transfer should be going through, so if the site’s crabby, you know why.

snapshots from the weekend:

new-to-me yumyums: self portrait . martinigrrl . crazy island . underwater . two dolla . ravenzwife . pixels in time . paperbag. one of these days, I’ll update the links page. really. I pinky swear! mail me — I’ll add you, or fix the url, or whatever need to be done.
v. tired. will write more tomorrow. oh yeah – round two for babyface is closed. everyone that’s sent something in so far has made it into round two — please, no more baby pictures… now, send me your senior photos. sweet dreams!

we just saw the coolest thing: a halo around the moon — it was wide, and clear, and smattered with stars in-between.
my dad’s always been a weather buff. phone conversations with my mom can be pretty random, but with my dad — they always follow the same pattern, and he always asks how the weather’s been (which kinda boggles me, since he’s watched the weather channel for most of my life). there are rare moments when it’s just me and my dad — the time he took me fishing, and we stayed on the lake til the bats swept between us, or the nights I’d wait for him outside while he got his work stuff from the car, because I was afraid something might happen to him in the dark. tonight was one of those nights — after everyone headed in, my dad and I just kind of stood there, staring at the sky. the moments we have might be few and far between, but they’re always silently wonderful.

I shoulda taken the valium.
bah.
but — right before, I got a wonderful phone call that totally rocked: jess is getting married! I’m so excited for you, girl!
round two of babyface should be up sometime next week. this round of participants includes: brooke, katie, jenni, sara, julie, allison, stephanie, cindy, mer, kiffin, mell, and harry. I still have room for a couple of more — send them in!
off to pack for LI. if I don’t post in the morning – have a great weekend, everyone! (I should be posting while I’m gone, though).