So Jay just walks in from taking out the garbage and says,
“Looks like John got a vasectomy.”
I stop sipping my coffee long enough to make a feeble attempt at raising my eyebrow, wonder how a neighbor begins that conversation at 7:32 over garbage pails, only to have Jay follow that up with,
“Did I say vasectomy? Oh, I meant he got a minivan. Musta traded his balls in for that one.”
Hahahahahahaha. Ahhh, the ignorant bliss of childless couples. It’s a good thing we crack each other up, because really, I don’t think anyone else in the world finds us nearly as funny as we find each other.
Happy friday!

While I don’t condone inappropriate language in the classroom, there was just something so exciting about a student yelling, “That’s just SO fucked up!” at the end of Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery.” Sure, it wasn’t the best choice of language, but at least she was involved in the story, and really, as a teacher – what more could I ask for?
Note to self: When handing out a sheet on the importance of proofreading your work, for chrissakes – proofread it before you make 50 copies! At least I made a little game out of it – I challenged them to find my mistake in exchange for a few extra credit points. I have NEVER seen students read something so intently!
They just loooooooove it when a teacher messes up.

This kills me – 10 1/2 hours at work, and I could easily be here another 2 (ok, ok, another 10, but I’m trying to peel the over-achiever label off my chest). My goal bedtime is 9, since I’ve got to get up early (5:30, and this chickie needs a good 8 hours or I am not a pleasant person) and get on the treadmill for some training. (Side note: yes, this is me, shamelessly begging for donations. Can’t you see the big puppy-dog eyes and the cute little pout?)
Anyway, it’s almost 6. That gives me 3 hours to see the husband, eat dinner and decompress before I go to sleep – only to wake up and be here at 7:30 tomorrow morning and start the routine all over again.
Good lord. I don’t know how people do this AND have a commute (mine is four minutes, door-to-door) AND have children. My head would explode. I have a hard enough time feeding the cats and trying not to trip over the laundry!
That said, my students weren’t so bad, considering their brains had been shut off for a week of vacation. Now if only I could kickstart mine again…

From the mailbox – Jay and I eat these up:
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately.
1. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
2. If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
3. Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?
4. Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
BONUS: There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answers in the more.

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Things I’ve accomplished in my three vacation days this week:

talking to our new dogwoods out front. We named them Melissa (after my new obsession with The Allman Brothers) and Billy (after Billy Breathes by Phish). I won’t go into how we determined who was the female and who was the male (but I will say it had to do with the positioning of the branches ). Both Melissa and Billy are doing fine in their new homes – little leaves are bursting out all over the place!

rereading T.C. Boyle’s The Tortilla Curtain. I’m thinking of teaching it to my 10th graders this fall.
One more day all to myself, and sadly – I’m going into work to finish up (ok, ok, start) my lesson plans for next week and figure out the countdown until summer vacation. Though, in all fairness, I have missed the kids this week. Of course, that will likely pass by about 9:25 Monday morning.

First training walk of the vacation week – five miles. Not bad. Could have been more, but I didn’t dress for the almost 80° weather out there.
I’m pissed. I made my way across one of the river bridges to a monument where I usually stop along the river. This time I noticed someone had tagged the monument in bold black marker – and that the names belonged to two of my students. I know it was them – one has a really unique name, and the other is her sister. Now, these are good students – one made honor roll last term. But they’re in our school for a reason, and I totally thought they were turning things around. I expect crap like this from some students, but not them.
There was a cop standing right there, and I was so tempted to tell him their names, put a little scare in them, make them come clean it off. But there was a little voice in the back of my head that was worried about the possibility of them being on probation already and blah blah blah. So I kept walking, all the while composing the “I’m so incredibly disappointed in you, I thought so highly of you and now this…” speech they’re going to get from me next Monday.
Gah.

Ahhhh, sweet vacation.
Technically, my vacation starts now. Saturday morning, bright and early, I drove down to NJ to see family. It was a great visit – I can’t believe that my little brother is such a grown-up now (and so freakin’ cool!) – but it was a lot of driving. And on the way back, I was just a few moments behind a horrible accident on the Mass Pike. I pulled over to call 911 – from what I could see, three teen girls were running around the middle of the westbound side – one puking and another freaking over what I could only figure to be someone who had been thrown from the vehicle. It was horrible. And 911 couldn’t do anything because I didn’t know the nearest town and therefore, they couldn’t connect me. Hello – a person was thrown from a car. 911 is supposed to be the one to contact in an emergency. I told them the intersection I came from and the last exit I had passed. Pull up a fucking map! Instead, we ended the call with no help whatsoever. I was so frustrated. I felt so helpless – and I couldn’t run across four lanes of traffic on my side to go help them (nevermind that I don’t think I’m emotionally strong enough to help support someone bent over a friend thrown through glass at 80mph.) Luckily, someone else called and an ambulance showed up. I got back on the road, but I was really shaken.
Gah. I understand the whole non-landline cellphone issue, but I was able to tell him all the other details – why couldn’t he pull up a map? It’s 911, and someone’s freakin’ life could be on the line!
Anyway… I’m home safe and the hubby bought me a Bellhorn shirt from the Sox game the he went to while I was gone. The weather the next few days is supposed to be gorgeous, and I’m all about relaxing. I can do work and planning and grading on Thursday and Friday. Tomorrow and Wednesday are all about being outside and getting some sun – and most likely, training. Hey – wanna donate? I’m about $1800 away from where I need to be in two months. And besides, I’ll love you forever, and eka-love is really, really special!
Dinner’s ready. I love grillin’ season!

I know it’s old, but Stacy’s Mom is the best song ever.
Okay, maybe not ever, but definitely good enough to have me bouncing around outside, spinning in circles and taking in all the good, wonderful sun. A few weeks ago, my officemate and I had it on full volume during lunch, bopping around the office all silly-like. The kids didn’t know what to make of their English teachers acting like teenagers.
Other good things:

1. Brunch with erin, who now lives right around the corner. Woot woo!
2. My brand-spankin’ new laptop (a toshiba satellite)
3. A whole bunch of bulbs and plants just screaming to be planted this afternoon.
4. Shopping specifically for grillin’ goods at the grocery story.
5. Seeing the Rally Cap Ale case sittin’ in the kitchen & knowin’ I get out at 3 tomorrow to watch the Sox Home Opener.

6. I am *five* days away from school vacation!

Yay! My day is almost over – and it’s payday – and I heard from an old friend I’ve been missing very, very much for a very, very long time. It’s sunny and warm – spring fever has hit the school, and the whole building is in giggles.
Oh yeah – AND the hubby won big on a scratch off ticket last night, which means I get a laptop. Wheeeee! (I was waiting for him to post something about it, but he’s slackin’ like that.)
Today a student said something in class that made me turn bright red. It was really sexual, but oddly, really insightful and really on topic, if you can believe that. It was a great application of symbolism – but the bright red of my face was enough to send the class into giggles (even while I was commending him on his intelligent observation). Then I started laughing, and they laughed harder, and I turned an even deeper shade of red and started crying-laughing, and they laughed even harder. It was really a great bonding moment with them – and I can almost guarantee they’ll remember Updike’s “A&P” for a long, long time.
Ahhhh, silly psycho hormonal teenagers – how so very boring life would be without ‘em.

I just spent a good solid minute wondering why my house key wasn’t opening the door to the school.
I’m thinking that might be a small sign that I’m spending way too much time at work.
I went to get my morning tea at the local coffee shop, and the woman (who knows everyone in town by their first name) asked if I had gotten my hair cut recently, because she just loves it – it looks “sassy.”
That’s it. Today I’m throwing “sassy” into my New Year’s mantra of “bright and balanced.”
Bright, balanced and sassy. Wheeeeee.