Don’t feel much like talking lately… been a rough, rather exhausting two weeks with lots that well, I just don’t want to talk about yet. So… here’s a cute movie instead. (Mind you, it was taken with my phone, so it’s not the best quality.) Little man is finally trying to roll over, he’s learned to play by himself quite a bit, and I wish I knew what all those hysterical conversations he has with his toys were all about. The oppressive heat and rain have finally let up a bit, so we might head out today in search of Mr. Frog so that Mr. Crab doesn’t get lonely waiting for his 10 minutes of bathtime fun. I don’t think he and Mr. Rubber Ducky get along so well.
Methinks I need more adult interaction on a more regular basis. I think I’m beginning to bore Mr. Zebra, Mr. Giraffe and the ten kazillion Mr. Effalumps that hang around our house these days.

Sammy’s still hanging in there. His sats are still rolling from mid-60s to low 90s. He’s definitely got some sort of cold thing going on and has spent most of today sleeping. They’re keeping us here here tonight as well, just to keep an eye on him.
There’s also talk of *possibly* moving his Glenn up. We asked about taking oxygen home with us, just in case, and the doctor had a good point – if we have to go home with oxygen, obviously something isn’t right, and they should revisit the plan. So as of now, he was going to conference with Sammy’s cardiologist and get back to us. Either way, they wouldn’t do it while he’s still got the cold going on, but it is a possibility that they won’t wait until July 19th.
I want my baby to feel better, but I don’t know how prepared I am to deal with facing his surgery sooner.

Hi again.
Sorry for just throwing the term “sats” out there. It’s short for oxygen saturations. Normal, healthy adults have sats of 99-100. Sammy, because his blue & red blood is mixed, usually has sats in the low 80s. To drop into the 50s and 60s means that, for some reason, the blood wasn’t picking up enough oxygen in his lungs. As a result, his organs get less oxygen, he gets lethargic and turns blue.
Luckily, he really wasn’t that blue all over – just around his mouth, his eyes and a little on his chest. And today, knock on wood, he’s keeping sats in the high 70s and low 80s without additional oxygen. He’s got some nasty cold – they’re testing for RSV – but he seems in better spirits today.
They’re still maintaining that he only needs to be observed. We’ll likely be home by this evening. I’m hoping to leave here with a reserve of oxygen to keep at home should anything like this happen again. And I really, really hope it doesn’t, because if it does, I’m going to need to be committed somewhere with soft, white walls and really good meds. Yesterday was not fun – and on top of it all, we had to battle awful traffic on the highway (apparently the good ol’ Big Dig flooded AGAIN) to get to Childrens. Please – if you see an ambulance behind you with glaring lights and it’s sirens on full blast – MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. It was awful – I was terrified that something was going to happen while we were trapped on 93 and that the ambulance wouldn’t be equipped to help him. An absolutely awful feeling.
Anyway, yesterday’s over and he’s doing better. What a week – two trips to the ER with my 31st birthday sandwiched in-between. Good stuff. Thanks for your well wishes. We’re going to need them more and more in the coming weeks – his next surgery is scheduled for July 19. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
Blah.

We’re back in the hospital.
Early this afternoon, Sammy’s sats dropped and I couldn’t wake him up – perhaps the single scariest time of my life. He woke up just as the 911 operator was going to walk me through CPR. They took him to Lowell General and had him there for a bit before taking him via ambulance to Childrens.
Needless to say, it’s been a long and scary day. Sammy’s sats wouldn’t stay above 60 without oxygen. He’s doing better now – but they’re not sure what’s causing it. He has a bit of a nasty cold, so there’s the thought that he’s having a harder time breathing through the gunk, thus getting less oxygen. It’s also a sign that he’s outgrowing the shunt and it’s time for the next surgery. Either way, they’ve set us up in the CICU – ONLY because there weren’t any beds on the floor – and they’re keeping him for observation. He’s eating well and he’s asleep right now.
So that’s where we are. If you could send a little love and positive thoughts Sammy’s way, we could certainly use it right about now.

Because this poor kid hasn’t been through enough already…
On and off since the cath, there’s been blood mixed in with his poop. We weren’t sure where it was coming from, the culture showed no virus, but it was there. His pediatrician didn’t seem too concerned, but we were getting worried. Yesterday, which was the medical DAY FROM HELL (mammo for a supposed lump in my breast which showed nothing, the phone call with the date for Sammy’s next surgery – which is almost a full two weeks earlier than I was planning on – and this), it got worse. The pediatrician made an appointment with the gastroenterologist on Thursday and wanted to see him this morning, just to “eye him over.”
Yeah. Never made it to the pediatrician. Nothing like a DIAPER FULL OF BLOOD to freak a mother out and send her racing to the ER.
Turns out, after a long day at Childrens’, our little monkey has an intolerance for milk proteins. The last few months of second-hand yogurt, ice cream and milk wreaked havoc on his poor little intestines – hence, the blood.
So this mama gets to completely cut out milk and soy from her diet. Sure, switching to formula would be easier, but I really believe breastmilk is best and I want to do everything I possibly can for him – even if it means forgoing cheese and lattes for a few months.
So – it’s been fun over on this end. My poor little monkey.
Interesting tidbit – this time, this day last year, I was the only one who knew I was pregnant. While I sat around the living room, eyeing the test and waiting for Jay to come home, I wrote the following:
Dear baby,
There’s one thing your dad made me promise: don’t get pregnant before my birthday. I turn 30 on Wednesday. It’s Monday, and there were two little lines on that little plastic stick screaming, “Happy birthday Mommy!”
Whoops.
I’ve been really tired the past few days. My period’s been screwy the past few months, but I knew last month I got it on the 18th. It was early – I’m usually around the 24th, so this month I wasn’t sure if I was due the 18th or the 24th or somewhere in-between. This morning I felt a little sick – it was different than the normal nausea – and I was exhausted in a way I couldn’t imagine I’d ever be exhausted, so I decided to pick up a test on my way home.
Two little lines for something so incredibly huge.
I’m still trying to figure out a fun way to tell your daddy. We’ve been working around the house a lot the past few weeks, and we’re so tired (though at least now I know the exhaustion isn’t just because I was painfully out of shape!). I was thinking about hitting up when he walked through the door, telling him not to get mad, but that I have another project for him… and this one’s kinda big.
I know this is one project he won’t be complaining about!
I’ve got two hours until he gets home, and I’m bursting at the seams. Ready for nap, but trust me – bursting at the seams.
Holy crap. We’re having a baby.
Love,
Mommy
(P.S. It still doesn’t feel real.)
And you know what? Sometimes it STILL doesn’t feel real.

Word of advice: when standing on the bed to take pictures, make sure the ceiling fan is off.
It’s okay. I hear bald spots are making a comeback.
By the way, being a stay-at-home mom is really, really hard. Yes, harder than convincing gang kids that The Great Gatsby truly is a great novel. Even harder than being a SAHM? Being one to a very unhappy, overheated teething four-month-old who wants nothing else in the world than to cling to you every single moment, who makes your mama-heart cringe when he screams the whole thirty seconds you’ve just GOT to put him in his crib so you can pee and then race back to pick him up because you can’t stand to hear his sobbing, the little boss who is oblivious to the fact that there are no clean bottles, he’s got a stinky diaper, mama’s been up since 4:30 this morning and neither of you have napped since.
Go ahead. Complain about your job. Can you pee whenever you want? Yeah. I thought so.

Graduation was Wednesday night. I cried before and after the speeches I read for my seniors. These kids have been with me for two years, and I’ve seen them grow and mature and learn so much – both in and out of the classroom – over that time. I struggled with their speeches – how could I truly capture how amazing they are, how could I calm their fears about leaving the safety of our school and heading into the world, how could I leave them with something they could hold when they doubted themselves again – in under two minutes each?
What got me the most – not J.’s tears as I read hers (though they definitely tugged at my heart in a serious way), not the hug that said “please don’t let me go, I don’t know if I’m ready for this” – but the quiet student who came up to me and thanked me for his speech with that tone, that thank you for seeing in that in me. I didn’t think anyone had look in his eyes.
I’m glad they get to keep a copy of their speech. I hope they read it when times get rough, when they think they can’t do it, when they need a reminder that they accomplished something others thought they couldn’t, or simply a reminder that someone out there truly believes they can – and will – do amazing things.
Man, I’m going to miss those kids.

Miles for Miracles – $3,115 raised, 7 miles walked, 3 blisters, several severe sunburns, a few diaper changes in odd places – and lots of smiles!
Actually, by the time we got back to the car, it was closer to 8. Mom and I (both having done the 3-Day, 60 mile Komen walk) were like, 7 miles? That’s practically just a warm-up walk! Hah! I forgot about the blisters, stretching and hydrating. Oh yeah – and all the training I did for the 3-Day and the extra 15 pounds I didn’t have on me then. We went into this pretty much cold – Time to train? With a 4-month old? In the flooded streets of our little city, where it has rained 9 of the last 11 days? Hah! Ouch.

It was a beautiful day – windy, but sunny and not too hot. Sammy slept a good chunk of it; the other times, Jay walked and fed him at the same time. My friend from college (whom I hadn’t seen in 10 years!) made the trip up with her daughter to walk with us. The little girl was a trooper – she had biked 6 miles the day before, and was now walking 7 miles with a bunch of boring grown-ups. If she could do it, so could I!

We took it easy – walking with a baby was definitely a bit more difficult than I had anticipated. The poor kid’s bare bum saw more of Boston than some people do in a lifetime! Still, everyone who saw him absolutely adored him (and commented on the massive amount of hair) and he was mostly smiles. We kept up the rear of the pack, trucking along with a stroller and lots of baby-necessities, and we walked into the finish as they were breaking down everything – but we finished, and that’s all that matters!
Thanks again to everyone who supported us. Together, with the other walkers, we raised over half a million dollars for Children’s Hospital!

We’re headed off for the Miles for Miracles walk in just a few. My parents are here, we’re all decked out in our matching blue t-shirts, and we’re meeting up with our best man, Marc & Susan, a friend from college whom I haven’t seen in years! I’m really excited, aside from the fact that Sammy’s got some stomach bug and I’ve been up since 4:30.
I’m also excited because my old phone bit the big one recently, which meant that I got to get a new one. While Jay’s been away at work, I’ve been sending him pictures of Sammy – but really, wouldn’t videos be more fun? So we both got phones with video capabilities – I ended up with the Sanyo MM7500. It’s got a 1.3 megapixel camera with flash, digital zoom and macro settings and can record 30-second videos. Videos, my friends, that I can POST FROM MY PHONE on dropshots. It’s also got the ability to play TV and Sirius. Crazy, I tell ya! I’m one spoiled mama.
Anyway, we’ll likely be posting little videos and pictures from the walk today, if you’re so inclined to check them out.