Who is this child, and what happened to my son?
In the past week, Sammy has learned to roll from his back to his tummy and then to his back… and to his tummy and to his back… and to his tummy and to his back… except that he’s only figured out how to do it to his right, so he manages to get wedged in some random wall -
at which point he just lays there and babbles things like, “Dadadadadadada” and “nanananananana” – mixed in with screeches I’m CERTAIN you must hear at your own homes. The conversations in our house now sound like this:
Me: You rolled over! (clap, clap)
Sammy: Daddadadada – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH – nanandadadada – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE – ngaganananadadda.
And he sits up – like, I can plop him down and he stays that way. And stands up now, too, with some propping. Throw in teething, and he’s become the “I’m lying down so I want mama to hold me, but no, I don’t want to be held, I want to sit up but now I’m sitting up – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! – I want to stand up but because I’m – AHHHHHHHHHHHAAWAAAAAH nananadadadda – standing up, I want to roll over and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH my teeth hurt – rollrollroll – wawwawaaaaa ddaadadadad oooof – a wall! Mamamamamamamama!” kid.
Man, I thought he took a lot of energy before… this is crazy! How I still have ten pounds of baby weight on me, I just don’t understand. I should have thighs of steel and no more grandma-jiggle arms for all the energy this kid requires!

Sammy got his first haircut last night. He wasn’t all too thrilled, and really, we probably shouldn’t have tried to cut it while he was awake and all squirmy. It’s a little short, sure, and a little choppy, but c’mon – he’s 6 months old. Hardly a crisis in my eyes – and speaking of eyes, I can see his now again! Little monkey is rolling all over the place, sitting up, giving kisses and spending the day saying, “Dadadadada” and “Nanananananana.” Our Early Intervention specialist even said that we don’t need her, and she dropped us down to monthly visits. (This is a bit panicky for me – I went from seeing several people every week, to one a week, to every other week – now months between pediatrician, cardiologist, EI visits? ACK!)
He’s just becoming such a big, big boy. He amazes us every single day. (BTW, if you want to see the video from my last post, comment or email me.)
Yesterday was my first day of work with the kids. Man, I love those kids – but it broke my heart to see how many of the girls had gotten pregnant over the summer. Stories that make me want to claw my eyes out, cry, kidnap a few of them and tuck them away somewhere safe – and smack a few others over the head and scream at them. Babies’ fathers in jail or not involved – and even the ones that are, well, are finally out of lock up and I’m praying, praying, praying, not smoking as much weed as he used to. One girl, M., whom I love to pieces, isn’t even living at home. I’m already scouring the house for things I can pass on to her – how on earth is she going to do this?
Raising Sammy is the most time-and-energy consuming thing I’ve ever done. Having a baby makes you strong in some ways, painfully vulnerable in others. I’m 31 with a fantastic husband, a house, a bank account and a decent amount of assorted experiences to fall back on. My heart breaks for these girls – yes, they will experience (hopefully) love like they’ve never known, but I don’t think they have any idea how much their lives are going to change.

If you’re in the Boston area and were watching Fox25 news this morning, yes, that was little Sammy as the Picture of the Day. Hello! It’s Aloha Friday, and Sammy’s got an adorable little hawaiian shirt. How could I resist? And thanks, Doug, for making the ever-so-original “Samson and Delilah” wisecrack. We haven’t heard that one before. (Like Doug ever stumbles on this little blog. Heh.)
Man, I thought a Cindy-sighting one day in Boston was exciting – here she was saying Sammy’s name and gushing about what a cutie he is! It definitely makes up for all those years when I would sit in front of the TV, just waiting for the host of Romper Room to look in the mirror and say, “I see Chrissy and Jenny and Mikey and Erika” – and ended up a disappointed 3 year-old every time. I guess Erika just wasn’t that popular of a name in 1978.
Yes, I have some pretty deep-rooted issues. Hey, it’s not like I’m passing them on to my kid or anything! *cough*
Anyway, I’ve gotten a few emails from people who caught it. For those of you who missed it (which is like 99.99999% of you, since most of you don’t live in Boston), I’ll have a video of it up later. What a great six-month-and-one-day birthday present for the monkey! Pretty darn cool.

It’s time for mommy to be a grown-up!
This morning, while Jay took care of Sammy, I got to put on grown-up clothes, make-up and – gasp! – heels, gather important books and folders and head into school. I have to say, for all my love of my Sammy time at home, it feels good to be here, too. I just need to switch from mama-mode to teacher-mode, and NOT stick my head into a colleague’s classroom and go, “Peek-a-boo!” (which I totally knew I shouldn’t do and totally did anyway. Oh well, they all know me for being a little quirky!).
That said, wouldn’t you know it? The little bugger ROLLS OVER for the FIRST TIME on his own within the first hour I’m at work. In all fairness, he sat up for me while Jay was at work – but really, I’ve been trying to get him to roll over for weeks.
So Sammy gets some good Daddy time, Jay gets good Sammy time and I get a little breather. Just as long as he doesn’t say his first word today too, we should all be a-ok.

Signs you’re growing up:
You spend more on a bedroom set than you did on your first car, and you say things like, “It’s an investment” and “We want something solid we can pass on to our kid when he’s older.”
Or:
You find out that your frother for those cappucinos you used to drink makes an EXCELLENT mixer for baby formula.
Or:
Your DVR is full of Little Einsteins shows instead of grown-up mama shows, and you walk around singing, “We’re going on a trip in our favorite rocketship!” (For the record, we’re pretty darn anti-Disney in this house, but I love love Little Einsteins. It’s the only show Sammy watches.)
Or:
You think nothing of walking around the house with your butt sticking out, flapping your arms and quacking like the duck in the “Duck, Duck, June” episode of Little Einsteins, if it elicits a giggle out of your kid.
Wait. Maye that last one is a sign that I’ll never grow up.
Whew. I think I need to wear some pigtails today, just to be sure.

Wow. A post a week. I remember the days when I wrote a post an hour. What did I write about? Nothing of consequence, I’m sure.
I’ve blogged here for 5 1/2 years. I need a change, but I’m the sentimental type who still holds on to her favorite notes from high school. So much of my life is here – moving, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, quitting a job, getting my dream job, getting pregnant, having Sammy… I waver between not being sure if I’m ready to leave behind all of this and wanting to start new – a rebirth of sorts. I own a bunch of domains, one of which is up and running, complete with design and intro post – and besides, I’ve never liked this domain name.
So, if you could choose any domain name for me, what would it be? Should I stay or should I go?
(Edited: Not leave blogging, people! Should I stay here, or should I go to a new domain? Sillies!! )

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In happy Sammy-land:
One major concern with heart kids is weight gain. They’re notoriously bad eaters – whether it’s from the time they’ve spent sedated (most often as a result of surgery in the first few days of life) or some other unknown reason. So I set my sights on one silly little goal that would make me feel like we’re doing a-ok: doubling Sammy’s birthweight by the six month goal.
First things first – how the HELL is my little boy one week shy of six months? (What amazes me is just how much we’ve been through and how much he’s changed in just six months. And how was there ever life before Sammy? What was that like?)
Second – I’m proud to say that one week shy of six months, Sammy doubled his birthweight AND weighed in at a whopping 14lbs 10oz – 2 more ounces than he needed to be! My little overachieving brute!
Perhaps it’s the massive amount of peas and sweet potatoes he’s inhaled, but knock on wood, he’s growing like a healthy little boy. Pooping like a good little boy, no, but certainly eating like one!
(And for the record, yes, knockonwood.com is taken. And not by me – grrrrr!)
For those of you keeping track and who still get excited by the little baby things usually only other parents could care about: He sat up today for a full 15 seconds or so by himself. He drinks out of a cup (with a little help). He loves his jumparoo (the proof is in his video), and he will hold his bottle on his own for a good chunk of time. He’s sleeping about 7 hours at night (yay!) and LOVES the cats and other babies (especially Charlotte!). He had his first swing ride. He’s almost rolling over from his back to his tummy, but considering he was off his chest for quite a while after the first surgery, he’s doing more than fine. He still smiles all the time, except for when his gums are hurting him. Still no teeth popping through, and for the record, he did eat just fine the day after my last post, just like you all said he would.
So there you have it. Who knew raising a kid was so time- & energy-consuming? The collective “they” really neglect to tell you what being a parent is truly like. I’m exhausted from the sheer level of worry I never knew existed. I’m wiped out from the constant doting and from trying to find a balance between caring for him and loving him and giving him space to grow and still take care of mama, daddy and the house. Nevermind that I still haven’t figured out that I should really crawl into bed the very moment he falls asleep at night. But it’s all good. I wouldn’t change it for a thing. Well, maybe for a crib nap that lasts longer than 15 minutes – just so I can rinse the shampoo out of my hair before racing down the hall to scoop him up. Heh.

Panicked mom question:
Sammy doesn’t seem to want to eat. The best we can figure – he’s teething. (He’s coming up on 5 1/2 months, so it seems right about time.) He’s gnawing on his poor fingers and he has these bouts where he’s VERY fussy and irritable (this is unusual for him – he’s a very laid-back, happy baby). He normally takes about 25-28 ounces… right now, he’s taken a total of *12* for the day. At this rate, I’m hoping he breaks 20. I’m so worried that I even added sweet potatoes to his bottle, since he couldn’t get enough of them last night. I know it’s probably bad to do that, but I don’t know what else to do. I hoped the flavor would entice him to take more, but it’s a no-go.
Is this a normal side-effect of teething? Should I just let him be? He seems fine otherwise, post-tylenol, talking and chewing on everything. Gah – I’m not cut out for all this worrying!
(And let’s pretend that I haven’t been worried all day about the state of the world we’re raising him in. I have to focus on his feeding – or lack thereof – or I’d about completely lose my mind right now.)

Erin & I met up for what’s becoming our weekly mama trip to Starbucks. Conversation shifted to the whole stay-at-home mom vs. working mom debate. We talked about how we definitely miss the routine of work and the challenges work presents. But we also talked about how much we love being home with the kids, and how we couldn’t imagine anyone else taking care of them during the day – and truly, being a mother is a kazillion times harder than teaching at-risk kids to love Robert Frost. I know, I’ve done both.
Over the past few months, I’ve made the mistake of getting caught up in some online viciousness between women. Holy touchy subject – and holy judgemental attacks. I can’t believe the way women will rip apart another woman’s (very valid and very personal) choices when it comes to going back to work or staying at home with children.
Yes, I’ve got my MA, and while I am going back to work part-time this fall, my focus is on raising my son. To claim that my decision to stay at home and help Sammy grow is a waste of my education or sets back feminism a slew of years is all wrong. I’m exercising my right to stand up and choose what works best for me and my family and ultimately, I hope, society – an empowerment at the very heart of the feminist movement.
I know I’m fortunate that I have the choice and ability to stay home (though Sammy can’t really be in daycare anyway, not that I think we would have made that choice if he could). I’m hoping that by spending time home with Sammy, I will give him a safe place to explore, learn, and love – values I hope he carries with him as he grows older and heads out into the world. It is our responsibility to create a person full of compassion and respect for others, to foster a healthy curiosity, to instill in him a love for learning and a desire to make the world around him somehow better. Quite frankly, I can’t think of a better way to use my time – or my education.

Yay! Pears!
I know, I know, I’ve been quiet. Please forgive me – I know I haven’t returned emails either, and it’s never my intention to worry anyone!
I’ve made a considerable effort to stay off the computer. I find that I’m happier the less I hang around staring at a screen, and besides, this kid takes up a lot of time! In all fairness, I love spending the time with him. He’s at this great stage where he’s so much fun! He loves to smile and play – and man, he laughs at EVERYTHING. All I have to do is lean in close and make a kissy noise and he nearly falls over in giggles.
We had our post-op check-up at the cardiologist today. Sammy clocked in at a whopping 14lb, 3oz – just 5 ounces shy of doubling his birthweight. (And since the goal is to double by 6 months, we still have three weeks to go!) His sats have been hanging in the mid-80s, his heartrate is good and his chest is healing well. We got the okay to let him play in the bath, travel with him (including flying, but I’m not getting on a plane anytime soon) and get this – we have TWO WHOLE MONTHS until our next cardiologist appointment! (Knock on wood that nothing pops up before then that sends us in.)
Looking at him, you’d never know what he’s been through. It’s just amazing, he’s just amazing – and it’s all an amazing reminder to never take anything for granted.
That’s pretty much life on our end. We’ve spent time with friends, taken Sammy for some more live music (Grace Potter & the Nocturnals – fantabulous!) and a bunch of other things I’m sure I’m spacing on. Mostly I’m just enjoying each and every moment I have with him. If there’s one thing I’m learning from him, it’s to slow down and live a little more in the moment.
So if I’m quiet for a while, don’t worry. In the meantime, expect some major changes around here (when I find the time) – and you can always check out my flickr for pictures of the latest adventures.