It’s official – Sammy starts school August 29th.
I think I might throw up.
I know this is a good thing on so many levels – he’s VERY social. Early Intervention put him at about the 2 year level when he was 14 months. He loves being around kids and needs a bit more stimulation than I can give him. He needs exposure to different things and people. He’ll be learning and playing in a safe, structured environment. We’re happy with the program and the staff and we’re lucky they had an opening. And I do love my job, I get to keep my foot in the door, it’s only part-time (about 4-5 hours a day), my director is insanely supportive – and Sammy will be right around the corner from me. And, well, the money is definitely a necessitating factor. I’ll refrain from going off on the whole “we don’t live in a fancy area or drive fancy cars or splurge on fancy toys – for us or Sammy – so why the hell can’t we afford to live unless both of us are working?” rant – but seriously, the middle class gets so screwed.
But it sucks on so many levels, too. I’m sure I’ll be fine a week or two into it, but I’m having a very, very hard morning right now. I know I was lucky enough to get to be home with him for 18 months – I don’t know how people do this with very small children. I just love being with him and it’s breaking my heart to think that he’ll have this whole other world without mama. I feel like I’m not living up to my responsibility for raising my child and that I’m passing it off onto someone else. I know that’s not how it necessarily it, but that’s how it feels. I know I’ll have him back for the afternoons, but it’s not the same.
29 days. And then about 25 days after that, we start the whole path to his next surgery – his cardiologist visit where we’ll schedule his cath date. His cath date where we’ll schedule his surgery date. I need something good to count down to – because man, I’m just not doing well this morning.

So we’re back from Falcon Ridge. A great time, as usual – albeit, a very different FRFF experience from previous years, but still a great time. This year we were sans Reillys and plus Sammy & Keegan and my parents. Camping and festival-ing are VERY different with children in tow! And aside from the insane thunderstorms that blew in and the blistering heat (and severe sunburn), we managed to catch some great music, get in some fun dancing, sing along at camp with new friends and eat way too much wholesome, yummy food.
Sammy had a blast – he made friends left and right and slept like a rock most nights. All the fresh air, running through the grass and dancing to some rockin’ music clearly took a toll on him. But he was in great spirits pretty much the whole time, sucking down strawberry smoothies and lemonade, playing with the girls in the camp next door and taking in the whole experience. It was definitely a tad bit more difficult navigating the festival with him – avoiding the sun, making sure he was hydrated, racing back to camp when a storm began brewing (okay, that was more for me than him) – but it was worth it. I even spent a chunk of time in the car with him because the sky was scary – but they were broadcasting main stage on a local station, so Sammy and I sat there and listened to Jimmy LaFave with the cool air slipping in from the open windows. So even when we weren’t right at the stage, it was still just simply fantastic.
My favorite moment? We took Sammy back to camp during Dar Williams Saturday night because there was some sketchy lightning going on and the last place one should be is sitting in the wide open on a hillside (well, that, and – gasp! – we’re not huge Dar fans). It was a good time to get his pjs on and help him settle down. He fell asleep at camp, so we bundled him in the sling and headed back to the hill. He slept on my chest through all of Eddie from Ohio (even when they (and mama) started rockin’ out to I Know You Rider) – and then the skies cleared, and I was lying on the hill with Sammy and Jay under a world of stars and music. Fantastic – it really doesn’t get much better than that.
As for the music – got in a good amount of Annie Wenz, whom I really enjoy. Bummed that I didn’t get much Richard Shindell, since his main set was Sunday after we left, and that I pretty much missed all of Tracy Grammer. Discovered Mary Guathier during one of the workshop performances. Rediscovered how much I enjoy Lowen & Navarro. Thoroughly thrilled that The Kennedys banded with the Chris half of Chris & Meredith Thompson (another love of ours) and created a kick-ass new band, The Strangelings. Loved, loved, loved when everyone joined in on Stand during Gospel Wake-up on Sunday. Missed out on the festivites at Camp Edhead and Happytown, but otherwise got in some good, good music.
It’s just so refreshing for the soul to be surrounded by beautiful mountains, meaningful music, important reminders of caring for each other and the earth, and sharing the days with people who share similar values. It’s a nice break from a world where people care more about how they look, what they drive and how much more important their lives are than others around them. It’s encouraging to be reminded that there are still good people in this world, even if it’s just 10,000 of them converging on the same hill for a few days at a time.
Already looking forward to next year. Who else out there wants to come along? Steve? Susan? Darren?

Thanks for coming everyone – I’ll be playing Passim next Friday. Don’t forget to pick up a cd on your way out…

I might be a tad bit too excited about the newest addition to our family – a Hohner Mignon squeezebox we snagged at a yard sale for $4 and a story. Apparently the previous owner – a big, burly older gentleman with a rugged white beard and a Harley Davidson hat – had been dragged around as a small child by his father to country & western bars, and this squeezebox had gone along with him. He claimed to never have been any good at it and was happy to see it start a new life with another small boy. (What he didn’t realize is that the small boy’s mama would probably be the one playing it the most for a while. )
It is SO MUCH FUN to play! It’s been years since I’ve played the piano, so I’ve only squeaked out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (much to Sammy’s glee), but I’m hoping to get in some good practice once I’m done with Deathly Hallows. Also coming our way in the next few weeks – a mandolin, something I’m wickedly excited about. (It, too, comes with a story.) I’ve always wanted to learn the guitar but never really had the patience (or hand-span). The mandolin, however, is tuned like a violin – and after twelve years playing the violin, I imagine it’ll be much easier to pick up.
I’ve also got my grandfather’s fiddle – I should probably try to pick that up one of these days. We also snagged a little guitar at the yard sale for Sammy – he’s obsessed with Jay’s guitar, so we figured we’d start him early. Now to get our hands on a piano…
Squeee! I’m so excited!

I’m about 134 pages into Deathly Hallows, and while the first chapter seemed awkward, it’s picking up nicely. I’m contemplating sleep, however, since again – I could stay up until 2 reading, but Sammy’s still going to be up bright-eyed and raring to go with the sunrise.
I’ve also avoided blogs, news and other sorts of public arenas where spoilers might lurk. This wasn’t hard, as we had a bit of a full house today with the usual crew. I love being surrounded with good friends, easy laughter and a shared love of all the kids running around (or being passed around, as was baby Jack’s case). It was pure joy watching Sammy snuggle up with Keegan and Ibelle on the couch while they watched my new favorite episode – the Backyardigans’ Yeti Stomp (thanks Drea!).
Stomp, stomp, stomp, doin’ the Yeti stomp.
Jay’s outside, chimenea smokin’, pulling out all the necessary Falcon Ridge goodness from the garage. I’m half-hoping for Sammy to wake – I could use a little quiet time with him. It’s fantastic watching him grow into a little boy-toddler-person, and I know I’m doing the right thing letting him doing his own thing, but already I miss having him all to myself. Had I not just moved the chair from his room (more playroom!) to ours, I might have snuggled up next to his crib and read while he slept. I know I’m blessed to have been able to stay home with him for 18 months, and I know sending him to school for a few hours a day so I can go back to work will be good for all of us (and for our bank account – good lord), but it’s awfully bittersweet.
Okay, taking a melancholy turn. Off to give him a kiss, brush my teeth, and curl up for a bit more reading.

I’m getting used to the thuds coming from the next room. Usually, they mean Sammy’s either a) gotten into something too heavy for him or b) he’s fallen from somewhere he didn’t belong. If it’s a, it’s usually followed by a chanting toddler voice, “Oh no! Oh no!” If it’s b, it’s usually followed by a good amount of crying, screaming and bruising.
I have little inclination to keep him from exploring. Sure, it makes me nervous, but I like to believe there’s little he can get into downstairs that will really hurt him, and really – he loves exploring, and I love that about him.
However, he’s taken to climbing up on the couch and running the length of it. No matter how many times I take him down, take him away, tell him no – the moment I turn my back, he’s up and running. This morning, I took the cushions off the couch, figuring he could get his climb on all over the cushions on the floor, and really – climbing up on the couch and running along the spring base had to be much safer, right?
Yeah. I can handle tumbles followed by loud, piercing hysterics. Loud thuds followed by silence? Those make me want to throw up.
So Sammy was playing on the cushions and I was making another cup of coffee since he was up all night. There was a huge crash – and then nothing. I raced into the living room from the kitchen – no Sammy in sight. And then I looked over the edge of the couch, into the little off-limits corner blocked in by the couch, end table and bookcase – and there, oh my god, was Sammy, sprawled out on his belly on top of Jay’s laptop on the floor. Not moving. Silent.
And then he finally screamed. And then I wanted to throw up. (I still do.)
Best I can figure – he ran the length of the couch and just kept going – up and over the arm of it – and flopped onto the floor. I haven’t figured out how he ended up on his belly and not his back, but he was fine and that was all that really mattered. A quick jaunt out onto the deck stopped the crying and started the “I do” wailing and pointing to the sand and water table. I’ve checked him and checked him again for broken bones and bruises and he seems fine. He’s currently climbing up and falling down all over the cushions on the floor and squealing like a madman.
Mama, however? Yeah. I’ll check back after I’ve stopped shaking and my stomach stops turning, mmmmkay?

Use code 7671 at NY & Co for $25 off $50. Sorry – can’t seem to find a free shipping code to stack on a $25 purchase, but use 6518 for free shipping on $75 or more.
I imagine we’ll start seeing a lot more of these $25 off $50 codes again as the stores want to clear out seasonal stock. I’ll let you know. Me? I’m holding out for more great Ann Taylor/Loft and JJill codes.
Remember: Retail Me Not and SlickDeals are your best friends. Well, maybe not your best friend, but they come in pretty damn handy when shopping online.

Not even 17 months and he thinks he’s smack dab in the middle of the 2’s.
Seriously. We whizzed by the end of the 1s, took a flying leap over 2 and we’re sliding not so happily into the full-blown terrible twos. There’s been more whining and screaming and tantrum throwing in the past two days than there has in the past 17 months.
What happened to my happy, complacent, cheery little boy? It’s like living with a teenage girl – I never know which little person I’m going to get from one minute to the next.
Would it be bad to have a gin & tonic with lunch? (How about two?)
Help? Please?

1. Is it just me, or do the couples in the commercials for eHarmony look more like siblings than romantic couples? I know they find your “true” match, but good god – do they need to look alike, too? It seriously borders on creepy.
2. What’s up with Diane Keaton playing the same.exact.role over and over and over? Is she only ever sent the scripts where she gets to play the aging mother who needs a little romance in her life? And good god, why Jack Nicholson?
3. Do you think Maury ever gets tired of saying, “In the case of baby Soandso, you are NOT the father!” Do you think he practices new ways of saying it, just to keep it fresh and interesting?
4. Do you think Dubbya has meltdowns on Laura at 3am, sobbing things like, “No one *hic* understands *sob* what it’s like to be *sniffsniff* me”? Do you think she smacks a little, “Yeah, you’re a fruck-up, now snap out of it, you’ve got to fumble through a speech at 9am” into him?
5. Why do I feel the need to watch any Amy Fisher movie that might be on? Seriously, there’s only so much, “I love my Joey and my Joey loves me” a girl needs in her life.

Answers, people. I need answers. I also need a nap.

Sammy has started sleeping through the night.
Mama, however? Up every night from 2-4. Can I tell you how much this sucks? Insomnia is bad enough on its own, but it’s even worse when no matter how little sleep you get, no matter when you manage to fall back asleep, your child will still be up at 7am.
Anyway – I’m torn. Apparently Deathly Hallows was leaked onto the Internet. Someone took pictures of every page, and now they’re floating around, just begging to be searched for and found.
So – do I try to go back to sleep, knowing how futile it is? Do I do the right thing and wait patiently for Saturday’s delivery of my copy of DH, while limiting my internet access, certain I’ll stumble across spoilers? Or do I spend the next hour unethically trying to figure out Bittorrent so I can get a head start on the book?
Oh, the temptation!
(Edited: Did you know that Dawson’s Creek is on at 3am? I guess I’ll have to fill my time between now and Saturday with old DC reruns. Le sigh.)