smileyjess

sorry i was away for a few days!!!!!!!!!!

friday- school/matt/sandwiches/getting lost/no beach/new dave matthews cd
sat- acadec [school] at 10/work 4-9/new dave matthews cd/obi essay/chem homework
sun- church for josh's christening next week/macaroni grill/student council meeting [school]/obi essay/chem homework/guitar/tess of the d'ubervilles/new dave matthews cd
mon- skipped gym/school/debate/chem help from hajianator/sat class for five hours/new dave matthews cd/slept over pattys
tues- woke up freezing cold/school/pep band/work/home for the first time in a week/new dave matthews cd

yeah life. i remember when i had one of those....

i promise one day to write a real entry.
honest.
hang in there.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week of October 2
Copyright 2003 by Rob Brezsny
www.freewillastrology.com

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Today and every day, five million
lightning bolts will flash between earth and sky somewhere on
our planet. At any given moment, two thousand thunderstorms
are raging. While you may not be in the literal presence of one of
these elemental outbreaks in the coming week, Aries, I believe
you will channel a similar kind of energy: You'll be fiercely and
tenderly alive with the blended force of primal fire and water.
This doesn't necessarily mean you'll careen out of control; you
may be able to express the booming power in its most
constructive form, cleansing and clarifying everything you
touch.

ok, here it is. as promised. an entry! (w00t)

so things have been hectic. due to my parents extended trip to bermuda my schedule was also all messed up. whatever, its cool, they needed a vaca, and i needed them to have a vaca, because then they are happier which in turn equals less nagging for jess.

yeah... i've just been keeping busy. i dont really have anything important to say. schools going okay. im working at least twice as hard as last year but not getting nearly the grades i wish i was. a little depressed about that. it just sucks when you're up until 1a writing an english paper and then get up at 530 to have enough to type it before leaving for school, only to have it returned with a red 89 and comments like 'weak ending' and 'needs a lot of work' at the end. like ok i understand that. but tell me what i can do to fix it. and answer my questions in class instead of merely saying "ok, ok.... that is a very good question" and then moving on.

pep band is going extremely well. everyone [else] sounds really excellent. me and nick were recently each hooked up with $1800 line 6 amps so thats uberjolly. yum. pep rally this friday complete with our hawaiian shirts (out of dress code OHHH!)

saturday is homecoming (thus fridays pep rally) it has the possibility of being fun. i had a really good time last year. but this year i actually have to be there at 930 to help set up (student council), etc. whatever. itll be good. everyone should go. then the band's playing during the game (130p). andy will and ben are all coming back (from uri, berklee, and berklee respectively)! very psyched :) itll be good to see all of them. andy and i are going to work on my parents letting me visit the uri campus sometime this month. hah

danny belly is trying to hook me up with phish tickets to the 20th anniversary show on 2 dec in boston. that would just be un.fucking.believable. i dont want to think about it because then i get my hopes up too high. so well just have to wait and see if he can get tix.

the job is going really well. i've worked 4 times so far. i miraculously managed to get this weekend off. so im working tue, thu, and fri. whatever. itll be good. there seems to always be something to do there- fold, unpack, find... so the hours go by very quickly. the only bad part is vacuuming. you're talking to a girl who didnt know where her family even kept the vacuum until... oh... this past february? ....i'm working on my vacuuming skillzzzz. unfortunately i dont get paid for another two weeks, but oh well. i guess i can bum money off the rents for another 14 days :)

also this sunday is josh's christening. i cant believe it snuck up on us so quickly. i dont even have something to wear. (sidenote: dont have anyhting to wear to my homecoming either... :/) but itll be a good time. im putting aside my reservations about the catholic church for now. im so honored that my aunt and uncle asked me. then after we're doing the whole reception thing.

then after that..... i got invited to a dinner at the borthers house at my school. we're in the process of being reaccredited, and they're making a big deal outta it. so yeah im representing my class as a part of the student council. i'm sure it will be very enjoyable....

so there you have it.

i leave you with some dmb: grey street

theres an emptiness inside her
and she do anything to fill it in
but all the colors mix together to grey...

mirror + jess + camera =

just woke up from a very refreshing nap. snapped this. it must be what i look like while transitioning from dream state back to reality. distant eyes, no words, shaky hands, disheveled clothes.

sometimes i look like this in reality too though. i dont want to wake up and face reality. it's a lot easier to walk around in a dreamlike trance.

http://mirrorproject.com/mirror/?id=18599

homecoming game was canceled!
we lost so much money!
the dance was fun!
dan's band rocks my socks!
shouts to tyler and tom, my gym friends!
fun in the car with liz scorp kieran dyl and blake!
fun at meg's with all of the above plus more!
and .... oh.... yeah....
THE RED SOX WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (go nixon!!!!!!!!!!!)

red sox in 5, baby, red sox in 5.

more to follow~

^jack n matt^

^josh^

what a weekend!!

so friday i worked until 9, then went to borders for a little bit by myself. i love just going there and picking up a random book and reading the first chapter or two. i was hoping to be able to go out with matt, but alas... i wasnt able to. went home, read my new spin mag with dave on the cover ("i mean, that's a whole lotta man!!!!" dave matthews AND liz tashash!!!!!) my anxiety about the next days red sox game went into overload and i ended up on my computer looking up a ton of stats, etc. cant get enough of those sox. god i love them. then exhausted myself by talking on the phone with liz and retired around 1130 ish.

woke up saturday morning around 845. had to be back at school for 930. yeah. no way that was happening. showered, got my stuff ready for the homecoming festival, game, and dance. discovered that it was impossible to talk through my nose... all my n's sounded like b's and i felt wicked uber crappy. arrived at school, set up tents, tables, made signs, organized stuff. then it started to rain. and rain. and rain. everything was put on hold- the dunk tank, the spirit chair, the rock wall, the smoothies, the krispy kremes, the grills... scorp, matty b, dyldawg, liz and myself had plans to decorate scorp's car for the car decorating contest. (we went allll out- ram horns and everythinnnnnnnnnnng!!!) but when lau and matt arrived we left and went to dd for some chai and hot chocolate because i was freezing my ass off and didnt feel good and couldnt breathe and needed to do something other than sitting underneath the tent and looking at the rain pour. when we got back, we discovered that the game was canceled. what a freakin mess that was. but whatever. i grabbed mi guitarra, liz arrived, we left. we went to the prov. place mall for a bit o shopping. so did everyone else that originally planned to go to the homecoming festival!!!! we saw like, the whole varsity football team and every single student council member, plus all the kids who went to the school for 130 only to find out that the game was canceled. i was super bummed because pep band had been practicing twice a week since the second week of school in preparation for yesterday. plus andy will and ben were all coming back. (side note: andy got a buzz cut! whyyy andy whyyy!!! lol) i found out the game was rescheduled to today, but i mean... that was impossible (it was josh's christening) so i missed out on seeing all of them. :( mucho sucky but whaddayagunnado.

headed back to liz's, ate, picked up rach, and back to lizs again. i still didnt feel well. took benadryl and tylenol sinus stuff. passed out on liz couch for a good hour and a half. they woke me up around 530 so i would have time tog et ready for the dance. i still wasnt feeling well. just allergies. but i was not missing the dance only so i could mope around at home and feel bad for myself while all my friends were at the dance and even my parents were partying at oktoberfest. joe took us to school. once i got there, i felt fine. had a great night. was wicked stressed over the sox. kept bugging tom to check the score for me on his cell phone, and dylan had his radio/discman going. dan b, brian l, tom f, and sonny's band (rule of 10) played in the caf. they sounded really really good. i was proud of them. whenever i got sick of being in the field house i just headed up there with liz rach scorp blake kieran danny dylan etc and we danced and hackeyed it up. :) mucho divertido. after the dance we were all going meg's. lau liz blake kieran dylan and myself all piled into lau's oldsmobile around 1120ish. we put on the game.... trot nixons at the plate... and smashes one out of the park. we went fucking nuts. well, i did. and dyl and blake. i was soooooooooo stoked!!! ahhh! just thinking about it!!! excellent mood for the rest of the night. at meg's we watched serial mom ("sommmmmebody should killlllll herrrrrr" -trash man in serial mom) hilarious 80's flick. liz lau and i left around 1. came back to my house and just chillaxed until almost 4. woke up around 1030 to pancakes yum. they left around 11. i showered and got dressed for the christening. it was so nice. josh slept the entire time. then party at auntie and (g)unkle's afterwards. (yeah, italian food!) watched the game. left after the 7th, kept it on in the car, and ran into the house to put it on. i drove rye home (heh) came back home, changed into my uniform (ick) for the dinner at the brothers' house. our school is being accredited by the new england assoc. of schools and colleges. shmoozed it up from 530 to 8. it was nice. i was worried about who i was sitting with, but it ended up that i got the good teachers, among them haj and maggiacomo. not bad at all. a nice evening. drove home with menna. we discovered that we both want to apply to early admission at stanford. freakish, is it not?

now i'm here. i've got to work on a chem lab, read 100 pages in tess of the d'ubervilles, read at least 50 pages in my colonial history book thing (ill post the title later once i know what it is...), analysis homework, write a poem (or use one i already have), and a lil more of history.

good thing i picked up a medium french vanilla with mike. ((my hands are still shaking from all the caffeine.))

student council in the morning, debate after school, notre dame admissions info meeting at hendi with rye tomorrow.

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

if i wasn't me, i definitely don't think i'd be friends with me!!

so today i took a mental health day. i crashed completely yesterday.

again.

after school i went to the library and typed up all my history notes, then i did a little chem, and, while waiting for SAT class to begin, i studied english. religion? yeah. jesus loves you. a+.

at least monday was excellent!!!!!! notre dame looks great. unfortunately the admissions woman commented that their winters are colder than ours. that demotes ND to number 3 on my list. (stanford remains numero uno) but yeah so rye and i went to that at hendricken. it was good. she gave me the email addresses of the heads of the chemical engineering department. i've yet to think of anything good enough to write.

then!!! we got out at 815, and i immediately put the game on as soon as my mom and i got in the car. (its a funny story... it was supposed to be a nice night with me and both of my parents- you know- firstborn child checking out colleges, we're going to all be a part of this yadda yadda yadda. red sox won sunday night , and my dad's like "jess, love, i can't miss a moment of this game." LOL! oh well, if i didn't have to go, i would definitely would have much rather just stayed home in front of the tv with my trot nixon bobblehead and a bowl of popcorn)

the game was unfluckingbelievable. i near cried. finally manny earned that 82 grand a game paycheck. i friggin hate that guy. 14 million a year and he was like 2 for 18 in this series or something equally redonkulus. (we figured out that he makes 57 cents a minute per year.) and then the johnny damon/damien jackson crash. i had to leave the room. they kept showing it over and over and over. damon just went completely limp. he's one of my favorite players! (1. lou merloni [pc grad!!!], 2. nomah, 3. johnny d.) when he raised his arm to the crowd a wave of relief washed over me.

and that last inning. what a strain on the heart. but d. lowe came through for us. alleluia.

and now its off to face the yanks.

and i would just like to comment on all the bandwagon fans that have developed with the win of this series. sure, i love all the hype from you guys. but name one player other than manny pedro or nomar. hmmmm? give me a stat. hmmmm? where are all these people hiding during the regular season?

i slept for 14 hours straight. didnt even wake up until my classmates were out of school. i am ready for tomorrow now. bring it on, ap hist, ap chem, ap eng, and rel. i'm pumped.

oh wait. game tonight.

priorities, priorities

what a great moment right now:

red sox are currently (at time of posting) up 4- zip

.... and i can balance a redox reaction.

so now it is a proven fact:
baseball + chemistry = one extremely happy jess

take that!!!!!

friday! oh happy friday!

a good day at school. aced chem, what a relief. he's giving me a hard time about being out on wednesday. ok, pal, i hoenstly didnt even get to study for your stupid test because i was in bed until 130, then had to go shopping hendi homecoming, then chilled with the cali relatives that are with us all this week, then went to school to take the SATs (just a practice) from 530 - 830, came home, watched the game, and went to bed. it was a mental health day, not an extra day to study chem.

and besides, had i more time, i would have applied it to studying for history.

but whatever.

senior lunch today with motta lesnikowski wilder and mcguinness. good times. there was the exchanging of souls, vitality, and youthful vigor [or something like that]. i heart them all.

had to take the bus home. instead of focusing on how i was on the bus, i chose to instead reflect upon times past when andy used to take me home.

dave matthews is coming to town! with trey anastasio! [phish dude] i'm going to try to catch them in hartford on 12 dec and prov on 13 dec. plus, dan and i are {hopefully} going to see phish on 2 dec. oh man. good thing i've got a job. speaking of which...

last night at work, someone told me i looked like carolyn bessette kennedy. i havent heard that one in awhile. once she said it, every person in the store agreed. i wish i really did look like her. i need to grow about 8 inches plus get rid of that 'smidge' of ugly lol

a busy weekend up ahead- cant say ill be posting much- work tonight, acadec in the morning, homework tomorrow afternoon, hendi homecoming at night, sunday- family stuff (with cali relativossss! :)) and monday homework. i have to read 178 pages in tess of the d'ubervilles (chokes self) and read all of colonial america, 1750 or whatever for history. all. of. it. for tuesday. plus a take home analysis test, plus study for an in class analysis test, chem hw, study for religion, study for espan~ol.

oh well. i'm still going to have a great 3 day weekend!!!! homecoming is sure to be a blast, plus seeing my cousins is great. i'm stoked. seriously, what are sparknotes for?

until next time

dream kisses = yummy

to the windowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
to the wall

a productive weekend if nothing else. friday i worked 5-9, did a lil hw when i got home, slept, woke up again, watched dane cook on comedy central friday night standup. (it was the 'christ chex' and 'suck my back!!!!' episode, a classic) i love him so much. went to bed around 2, woke up 10.5 hours later... ahhh... i was at my nana's and its so great sleeping over there bc my mom would have definitely woken me up at like 10. then i came home around 2, ready approx 120 pages in the history book that im due to have a test on this wednesday. then it was about 430/5ish, started getting ready for the hendi homecoming. matt said he'd be here at 6. it's a good thing i knew he wouldnt be any less than a half hour late, otherwise i mighta been upset. haha. then it was back to his house to take pics with kev and kayls. all looked glamorous. hendi homecoming highlights 2003 include:

-genuine 70's plaid suits worn by matt and kev
-some mj tunes
-skeet skeet skeet
-hanging out where all the pictures are taken for like an hour, just like every other homecomings
-talk of beating people with high heeled shoes
-"nak nak nak naked MEN! naked naked MEN!" -DL
-leaving hendi with billie jean playing
-arriving at gregg's (big pimpin blaring from the car), with the line out the door, only to walk in and discover that our friends had reserved a whole room for all of us. we near filled it with rach + bill, stacey + kyle, bill + leah, gladney + cait, kev + kayls, matt + myself, mikey + kate (sp?), kim + larsen, plus ash + alex and their friends, and some guy and 'grandma'
-peanut butter chocolate cake

*pictures to be posted soon!*

got home just after 1, bed at two, up at 10, work at 12. back home at 6. oh man, lets hear it for time and a half sundays!!! w00t!!!!!!!!!!! i made more today that i did in my first paycheck, which has miraculously lasted me almost 2 weeks now!!! score!!!! ryan came to visit me today at work. :) after we went to nanas to see jacknmatt. my parents and cali relatives are back from nyc. no school tomorrow. tons o homework to complete. a rained out baseball game. (still seething over last night. wtf was that!!). 50 more pages in history, still got 178 in tess. scituate art festival tomorrow with rach. fun to be had. work: tues, weds, sat. psats on sat morn. license in 8 days. religion presentation in 9?!?! craaaaaaap. so screwed.

off to spend some time with 'mama tess'

later gators

spirit week at school, yesterday was lazy day --> the best day of the yearrrrrrrrr. i was so comfy in my pj's. ugh. today is when you look in the mirror in ten years what do you see day? (wylitmitywdys day for short) i'm wearing whatever the hell i feel like because chances are ill still be jess ten years from now. possibly ill wear a lab coat and/or goggles (think: chemistry). i dont know. we'll see how festive people get. or should i say spirited? thursday is class color day with the damn walkathon. how stupid is that. they should really just add the 90 bucks to the tuition so that then they dont have to pay for all those prizes. i mean, really. plus then we don't have to walk 5 miles. i'm all for running and walking and being healthy and such, but the walkathon is just stupid. the only good thing about it is that we have no classes all day. w00t.

red sox lost last night. we gotta cowboy up at 4 today. :/ i'm admittedly a little worried.

i worked last night. craziness. work again tonight. paydayyyyyy!! scorrre.

today i haves tests on tess and colonial america. i managed (miraculously) to finish both books. i was reading the last 50 or so pages of tess last night (well... this morning: 130a) and a wave of sleepiness overcame me. so i just put down my book for a second. i woke up, still in work clothes, when my alarm went off at 5. luckily i set it so early so that i have time to 'snooze,' but today i freaked out and finished reading tess in a half hour. good thing i have the ol' sparknotes reinforcement. as for history... psssshhh... i only know a few kids that actually read the book. it is an open book essay test with 2 questions. we'll see how it goes, kiddies.

i realized yesteday that my weeks are just neverended. sure, it goes mon-fri. but i have essentially no weekend, and that flucking sucks. i cant do anything friday night because i have PSATs on saturday morning (at west- ick). then i have work from 3 to 9. i'm really sad that i cant go to the debate meet on account of psats. then sunday, church it up in the morning and the breast cancer walk. then i'm at school from 12-4 to help out with open house. also, i have a religion 4th quarter project due a week from this friday, and an hour long religion presentation due monday or wednesday of next week. i get my license on tuesday though!!!! {{hopefully i pass the driving test...}}

that's only 6 days!

yeah school.

[]

that's about as much school spirit as i have. not too much, i know. but its hard to get into it. it wasnt a very good idea to have a 4 day school spirit 'week.' the days are less than exciting as well: lazy day (well, you already know my view for this one), when you look in the mirror in 10 years what do you see day (heh!), class color day, and costume day. yesterday i saw some interesting subjects... in ten years, a lot of people are going to magically turn into nomar or manny, apparently. some kids were college students (ohhhh, math! lol). we even had a hooker! excuse me, 'harlot.' oh good times. and tim plans on turning into santa. a lot of homeless bums. they were my personal favorite (jose said he'd dance for nickels, and nick was preaching that the end was near.) there was the usual bunch of doctors and lawyers. i think i saw a nobel peace prize winner in there somewhere. i was going to be a dave matthews band fan (clever, no?) but haj brought a lab coat in for me so i was a chemical engineer. today was downright dumb. every year, our school makes us pay at least 90 dollars to walk 5 miles. hrmmm... then they get mad when you dont pay. i can walk 5 miles for free, thank you very much. (i run it 4 times a week!) then they feed you, and then you view clash of the classes. every year the seniors win. its totally rigged. tugs of war, flag football, ice cream eating contests.... the last being the most popular. we juniors had to defend our title this year. lauren's been talking about it every day in homeroom since we won last year! seniors cheated. grumble. my 'costume' for tomorrow depends on tonight's game: disappointed yet loyal red sox fan or overly enthusiastic and wicked happy red sox fan? i dont mean to complain so much about school. it's really not bad at all- the actual school itself. its tons better than the local public school, so i really have no right to complain half as much as i do. plus i'm a nerd and sometimes i accidently find myself almost liking it.

i worked 2 nights this week. that's going well enough, i guess. one chick quit yesterday.

time for me to rant about the RI dmv. i am scheduled to get my license on the 21st of this very month, a mere FIVE days. it is an event that i have been anticipating for way more than just the past 6 months that i've had my permit. however, PSATs are the very same day at my school. the RI registry refuses to let me come in on wednesday morning to take my road test. what the fuck. they only do road tests from 830 to 1030, and the next opening they have isnt until march. plus, the people are incredibly rude at the registry!!! i called and explained my situation, and the little [edit] was like oh well looks like we'll see you in march!!! yeah there is no friggin way that is happening, PAL!!!!!!!! thus, i am left to search for another school in my area to provide me with the test this saturday, and pay for it AGAIN, even though i already paid to take it at my school on tuesday. it all makes me so incredibly upset.
< / vent >

on a lighter note, my mom just got a new job (at the same place she already works, just a different department). this one involves her traveling even more than she already does. but a lot more often to new york city. with the apartment there, i'm going to try to see if it's at all possible to take me with her once in a while. that'd be extremely cool. i love the city.

when i started writing this i had more interesting things to talk about. but now i'm just some kind of mehh. my sincere apologies.

off to complete homework.

and-- oh yeah--

GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if only---
maybe if---
hey, well at least they---
damn you, little, because---
why did they---
why didnt they---
how about when---

basically every single conversation i had today started with one of the above introductory phrases (yeah soph honors english!!!)

right now, it's still a sore spot.

we're not going to talk about how much it hurts. we're just not, alright?

i'm not going to talk about how, when boone hit that pitch, a little piece of me died.

i'm not going to talk about how, when boone hit that pitch, i got all choked up.

i'm not going to talk about how, when the game was over, my dad and i just sat in silence for a few minutes.

i'm not going to talk about how, when the game was over, my dad ran his fingers through his hair, turned off the tv, looked at me with the saddest face ever and said "well, there's always next year, kiddo" and then left the room with feet dragging.

i'm not going to talk about how, when the game was over, not even conan could make me laugh.

i'm not going to talk about how, when dean saw boone hit that pitch, he punched a hole in his bedroom wall.

i'm not going to talk about how, when dan was suffering through that 8th inning, he went outside and actually tried to chop down a tree with all his anger.

i'm not going to talk about how andy g 'hates everyone and hopes [he] dies.' (away message)

i'm not going to even think about how dylan is recovering down in DC all by himself.

i'm not going to talk about how si and i couldnt speak and could just hold each others hand for support.

i'm not going to talk about how it will take until spring training for me to get over this.

instead, i choose to talk about how great a season its been, and how proud i am of the boyz. it's been a good one. i'm proud, i'm proud. the postseason has been beyond awesome. they've worked hard. sure, it would have been nice to go to the world series. undoubtedly.

but i guess ill try to focus on the positive... like... how i wont have aneurisms every time they play (cuz... they're not playing any more this season...), and ill get my homework done before 2 in the morning (as a result of staying up to watch a game, and not being able to focus on anything else before a game), an maybe ill know more real current events (instead of information like nomar's batting average or how much manny makes per minute), and perhaps i can think about the upcoming season, instead of focusing on last nights game.

my dad's friend paul said being a red sox fan is like being in purgatory. you just wait and pray.

a lot.

as for the world series, i dont think i am going to watch any of it. not just because of... ((shudder)) them but also because i dont like the marlins. damn franchised team thats a mere 8 years old with a world series title already under their belt.

ok i'm done. no more. because see the way im looking at it, last nights game was like getting a cut. you can see it, and acknowledge it, but it doesn't quite hurt. by talking about it today, though, it's just like picking at it. and watching it bleed.

last night, as i was drowning my sorrows in fluff (...it's my favorite food...), my mom says to me "hmmm.... 4 marshmallows are equal to 2 weight watchers points."

ouch. felt that one.

oh yes another weekend. wait. what are those? my weeks never end. up today at 630, out the door by 7, at east prov. hs by 730, psats started before 8, finished around 1030, finally met amanda d.!!!! she and her boyfriend michael are super. she's una amiga muy fabulosa, and he's got curly hair. you know how i feel about curly hair!!!! :)

then practice of driving. then la biblioteca para mi tarea. ugh. i loathe my english class and that is all i have to say. i'm supposed to 'write the best essay of [my] life.' when i asked him if i could save it for my college applications, he didnt seem amused. maybe the joke was lost in the nigerian translation. i dunno. bottom line is that class sucks and i better get a 5 on my ap test after all this work. the end, love, jess.

then to borders. bali hot chai (with coconut!) + chuck pahlanuik = one extremely happy jess.

off to work. 3-9. ::dies::

now i'm home. and tired. 5 mile run tomorrow. then pep band at open house. then student council at open house. then home at 5. with an obi essay.

::dies again::

no time. tess of the d'urbervilles is beckoning. yes, i am aware it's due tomorrow. no, it is not yet completed. yes, i hate english. it's so pointless. i'm going into chemistry. you dont need english. hell, you don't even need words! just random letters and some subscripts! voila!

but i felt bad about not posting yet. so... instead of a real post, you get some weezer, which- in my opinion (and probably yours!)- is way better. i've had this song stuck in my head since yesterday. i think i like it a lot because it reminds me of summer- relaxing and sleeping in and hanging out and listening (with andy!) to brand new's encore of this song. oh, summer. only a mere 8 months to go.

so without further ado.... (bolded = the lyrics i most cant get out of my head)

el scorcho [weezer]

Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
Do it to me every time
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby

But you won't talk, won't look, won't think of me
I'm the epitome of Public Enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come down on the street and dance with me

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them
How cool is that??
So I went to your room and read your diary:

"Watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack trough presstable..."
And then my heart stopped:
"listening to Cio-Cio San fall in love all over again."

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart
How stupid is it? Won't you gimme a minute
Just come up to me and say "hello" to my heart
How stupid is it? For all I know you want me too
And maybe you just don't know what to do
Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

I wish I could get my head out of the sand
'Cause I think we'd make a good team
And you would keep my fingernails clean
But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'Cause I can't even look in your eyes Without shakin', and I ain't fakin'
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon (except... i wont. no me gusta turkey)

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

(copyright- weezer, rivers cuomo)

good things:
- sunny afternoons
- bali hot chai (with coconut)
- marshamallow fluff
- no school tomorrow
- fender american made stratocasters
- 6 disc cd players with:
before these crowded streets (dave matthews band),
sgt pepper's lonely hearts club band (the beatles)
pinkerton (weezer),
legend (bob marley),
jimi hendrix live at berklee (jimi hendrix),
so much for the afterglow (everclear)
- completed english essays
- chuck palahniuk
- 2002 camry se's
- lunchtime fun
- chocolate chip cookies from haj (or rather... haj's students' take home labs!) after school
- pink sunglasses
- brandy new dave matthews band shirt (5 days early!)
- surprise flowers on the doorstep

got my license this morning! i went to the registry in west warwick. my god that guy... you know the one... (he does the permits too) bugs the shit out of me. fatty mceatsalot. (his lunch "hour" is from 1030-100.) i got a 93 on the test though. he only had to yell at me once, and technically it was his fault for not being specific enough. then he almost lost my insurance info and registration. >>grr<< whatever. i got to see larsen (not his bum though). got to sit around forever in the registry. it wasnt that bad- my dad and i made fun of every single person in sight. good times. then we lunched it up at panera. came home, did a little bit of my homework, went shopping. (yeah shopping!) junior ring ceremony tonight. yeah god. hopefully ill get to drive my camryyyyyyy tomorrow to school! ps liz's (and matt k's!) bday(s) tomorrow! :)

until next time

raybobdotcom: tests are gay
raybobdotcom: the end
SmileyJess13: i was unaware thats tests possess sexuality
SmileyJess13: did i seriously just say that?
raybobdotcom: yup
raybobdotcom: and they're male
raybobdotcom: and they love other male tests
raybobdotcom: you did say that
raybobdotcom: i loved it
SmileyJess13: well if they are all male
raybobdotcom: i wanna marry it
SmileyJess13: theyd have to be gay
SmileyJess13: hrmmm its a mystery lol
SmileyJess13: ((and so's mankind))
raybobdotcom: no i've worked it all out
raybobdotcom: its like the smurfs
raybobdotcom: where they're all boys except for smurfette
raybobdotcom: we'll say that ... ctbs is the smurfette of standardized testing
raybobdotcom: just because no one cares about that one

and sometimes we wonder why no one wants to join in our conversations.......

my favorite part?

kieran showing a little skin right in the middle of mass. or when his mom fell asleep. or when sara said (very loudly) that she wanted to go home. or when liz and i played the nervous game ("are you nervous?") or all the parents on cell phones. yeah they were cool! or that my mom criticized my shirt. or how it reminded me of when lauren l. and i stole food from jr ring ceremony last year (we helped out as sophomores) and brought it to share in homeroom the next morning.

(from [my] left to right) hand o' liz, hand o' me, hand o' rach

liz and i at mass. we sat with: kieran next to me, scorp was on the other side of liz. sara kara, danny b, danny m, and dyldawg behind us. we sat in the 2nd and 3rd rows respectively. aaaaaaand cracked up at several points during mass. innnnnnnnnnnnnn front of everyone. excellent times, excellent times.

group photo. dan is inadvertantly tickling me, thus the weird look.
from L-R: scorp, pat, danny m, me, kieran

60% of the people in this shot got their licenses today!!! :)
scorp, kel, me, liz, ash

liz and rach!

k-nasty!

me!

oh oh.... that's not nice!!! ( who else (?) but liz, myself, and rach)

sucky day.

like nothing bad really even happened. it was just one of those days where like before you even make it to school, you just know it's going to be a suckyday. which is probably why it ended up being pretty crummy.

the only highlight was decorating scotty t's locker for liz's birthday this morning. way to be!

first- spanish. forgot friggin hw in locker, which is seriously 20 feet away from the room. awesome
second- gym. prison ball. stood around, looked wicked dumb. (it's not that i'm not athletic; i'm just lazy. and dont care. come on, people. it's gym. i cant stand the kids that think they can get a varsity letter in gym. how foolish.) plus, danny smelled due to his soccer shirt that has not been washed since 22 august, approximately.
third- chemistry. lab. one of the questions was review. i asked him for help and he's like what happened you used to be good at this. awesome. i felt really good about myself.
fourth- analysis. short period, wasnt too bad. could have done better on that take home. not satisfied.
fifth english. 'nuff said.
sixth- religion. 40 minute presentation. felt stupid entire time. got 10/10. yeah me emma annette and zach. (sorry to anyone that had to listen to us.)

but things are getting better now that i'm home! i only have maybe 6 hours of homework tonight rather than the usual 8. fabulous. and heck, i've still got about 11 hours left in my day at this point. w00t.

there were some good parts to today though! like:: liz's birthday! and patty falling! (hahaha sorry!!!) and blasting the ben folds version of tiny dancer while driving past West. and i'm still happy about my new dmb shirt. also, caramel apple cobbler clif bars = yummy. hey, dont forget that i have my license!!! and it wasnt that cold today! (supposedly below 40 tomorrow... i am so not getting out of bed.) i dont have to work! that's always good.

i think ill go tocar la guitarra. later gangsters.

i'm sitting here. trying to think of something to say.
and all i got is---

i got nothing.

Remember that night-
when it rained
(amidst hushed whispers
and comfortable silences)
and we stepped gently
upon the unsteady
creaky
wooden stairs.
The screen door slammed
and its echo reverberated
through both of us.
Lightning flashed
and caught the shimmer
in your eye.
Were mine glistening
like the drops on the intense
green
dancing leaves
as they land and splash
scattering erratically
or those that slowly build up
then roll off
as a tear down my cheek
as if the leaf
can no longer support
such a burden.
As we walked
the ground was barely muddy yet
our soles were caked with dirt
and left imprints
forming our path.
Footsteps side by side.
A cool breeze caught a loose strand
and flirted with an eyelash.
Distant fireflies
provided the only glow
except that which is natural.
Faces upward
admiring the man
lip quivering
a glance invited raindrops.
You blinked
and it rolled
down your cheek.
Did you feel it?
The man cried
and his tears
fell softly upon our shoulders.

a jolly good weekend. finally i decided to unlock my bedroom door and do something other than sleep and homework!! score! go jess!

friday i had to work from 5-9, but it was with this chick crystal who's pretty chill. we didnt have much to do. unfortunately theres a sale on right now, so the store always has at least 8-10 people in it (its a very small store, so that is very crowded for us). i'm already sick of dealing with mean parents. the kids are usually fine. except when they knock over stuff. but at least they apologize. parents that do the same just keep walking as if nothing happened. the other night there was this mother and grandmother team that came in. they were there for about 40 minutes, and managed to mess everything up. everything. sweaters suck to fold, an i had just fixed the whole display. they come in, and decided to look at every single one. (there are like 10 or 11 different styles.) but oh wait. they need a size 10. so they pull from the bottom of each pile, thus toppling over all the ones above it. the whole thing was a mess and i had to refold. then when they attacked the pants, i just wanted to cry. but between the two of them they spent 600 bucks. so i couldnt be rude.

i think my hell will be composed of unfolded clothes and wet bread. the latter just being wicked gross

but anyways! :)

then afterwards rye came while we were closing and the two of us went out for dinner at papa razzi. very yum. for dessert i got the bombanitas. i highly suggest them. it was so wonderful to hang out with rye because i hadnt seen him since the christening like... 3 weeks ago? thats a record for the two of us. he burned me a cd of great songs (the "license mix" if you will!) so wonderful to just sit and chat for hours like we always do. i dropped him off around 11 or so and came home. a jolly evening.

saturday i woke up, hit the library, then (surprise!) work. 6 hours this time, 12-6. drove home, and then zach (my soccah supastah) came over and we hit up radio. good movie. this is how our evening came about.

a conversation between jess and zach that took place last tuesday.

jess: zach, take me to see kill bill.
zach: um, k.

then midweek i realized that is not the way to make plans. you cant just force someone to hang out with you! lol or can you.... yeah so then kieran said kill bill was the most violent movie ever. so i took it upon myself to change our plans. that, combined with the fact that um.... i got us lost.... should really make zach hate me. after the movie, we went to the macaroni grille (yummmm!) his brother is a chef there. his name is jess as well. nice. i hadnt hung out with zach since last thanksgiving at rachels house (or analysis class on friday). and i dont think hell ever want to hang out with me again. ok, guys, this is how great i am. i made him laugh (at me, nonetheless...) so hard he started to sweat. nice work, jess. lol

today believe or not im off to work. 12-6. so quitting after this week. shhh. dont tell my boss.

every time i felt not so happy today, this would pop into my mind:::::

a real convo that took place about a year ago in an upscale italian bistro between ryan and i

me: and my favorite part was when
ryan: they SHOT UP HEROIN with the SEATBELT around their arms!!! LIKE THIS!!! (Demonstrates...)
me: YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
ryan: HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

people around us: (confused looks)

today was pretty good. slept in, unfortunately. had all of 10 minutes to get ready before patty got here. way to go, me. i hate oversleeping. every night, i have to make a list of everything i have to do before i leave for school the next morning. it's really overly obsessive compulsive, i know. but its got stuff on it like 1. pack backpack 2. dont forget guitar 3. grab analysis homework 4. umbrella? 5. type history essay 6. burn dmb cd for... etc... you get the picture. ever night, my list has between 10 and 15 items. i hate how it's grown since school started. sometimes i even put stupid stuff on there because... im stupid (#7 deodorant?) we both know im not going to forget these things. the lists are completely unnecessary, yet i am so compelled to write them for fear that ill forget something. fucked up much, jess? (yeahhhhh)

yeah so, i didnt get up until 650. a whole 5 hours of sleep! w00t!! much better than sunday night... when i went to bed at 1 and stayed awake until... ohhhh... 330ish. (probably whyyyy i slept past my alarm today) ecology club meeting, history homework, spanish dialogo con pat. all between 750 and 815. amazing. analysis (sometimes a major drag, but not bad at all today!). zach only told lauren about our adventure this past saturday lol! :) then superrrrrr englishhhhh (obi voice). i'm so happy that i'm learning how to properly correct vocab test papers in my ap english class. dumbass. f religion, no sweat. poor dyldawg has bronchitis/pneumonia all in one. skipped lunch to study for chem, ended up practicing spanish dialogue with pat, then looked at guitar magazines with zach (found the perrrrrrrrrfect mitchell acoustic- special edition john mayer, only $4500!!!!) way to be productive, eh? history, spanish was wicked fun. pat and i kicked assssssssss. perkinator was proud. then chem for the next 2 hours. study, then extra help. i suck. its over. i dont know what im going to do. if i get below a 50 on this test, my average for the quarter is a 78. im just going to die if that happens. the end, love jess.

then went to haj's room for like... extra extra help... (how cool am i...) but there was a senior pep band meeting so i just hung out with them. twas a good time. i was like for at least 30 minutes (and ate the lab cookies!!! hah!!!), and they successfully accomplished one thing. way to go, guys. lol!!! but sooooooooo funny. then chris john and i met up with will and pat at the chinese food place across the street. oh man. good times.

now... time to commence the studies.

school was pretty schoolish today. at least it was wednesday and all classes were short. hit up thayer street afterwards, stopped in at details (a great lil shop, me gusta mucho). rained allllll day. i was home by 3, picked up my checkkkkk. i was all ready to quit and everything, but i'm so not good at like... speaking up. so apparently now i'm only working 10 hours a week- one weeknight and one saturday or sunday for 6 hours. not bad. still bad, but not as bad. whatever. first official pep band practice of the season tomorrow! so stoked! :) too bad i suck. i practiced quite a bit today, but i'm worried. nick is so much better, and now haj is trying to pull in some newbies- freshmen and sophomores so that someone is trained for when nick and i leave. eh. i bet that within 2 practices the FNG will be better than me..... that one kind of hurts the self esteem, but i do realize that it is the best for the band. ah, i dont want to think about it though. hopped on over to pattys to study for quimica. 101 test bank problems---> solved! go us. buuuuuuut... im worried im going to choke on the test. 12 problems, 55 minutes. 4.5 minutes per problem. i am happy that it makes sense to me now. chem and i are friends again. and i was thinking- maybe if chem and i ever had a falling out, being a psych major wouldnt be so bad! i found out yesterday that lauren and i both want to take triple sciences next year- ap bio, anatomy, and micro. i so wish i could drop english next year. that class is so pointless. and i'm not taking history. maybe ill take ap government... ahhh stop thinking about school.

so life... is going well in general. my parents decided that we're going somewhere over christmas vacation, we just dont know where yet. i dont know how i feel about this. i was looking forward to a solo trip to cali. but now theres talk of austria or las bahamas. we dont know for sure yet. i love how my mom was like "we all need a vacation, i think." um, k. you and dad just got back from a week in bermuda at the beginning of october, then a few days in new york. i havent been anywhere since 16 july. whatever though they've been working really hard too. my mom just got a new job that involves her traveling a ton, very often to the new york city branch of the office, which is cool. im happy for her, she seems happy.

happy. happy happy happy. you know you're tired when words blur and stop making sense.

25% done with junior year as of today!! w00t!!!! only 7 more quarters, and ill be graduating

for a moment, lets imagine that this [] is chemistry. now picture me kicking its ass. take that, chapter 4 test.

excellent day today. for the 4th day in a row, absolutely nothing was accomplished in my english class. i love it! but im a little worried about my class participation grade.... i only contribute negative comments to the class.... and theorize about how my teacher is an illegal alien with a stolen identity bc there is no way that man graduated from brown university. noooo wayyyy. he cant even add! we actually have to calculate our own grades!!! (class participation is up to him. which is another reason why im worried lol) also, barely any homework tonight!

today was also excellent because it marked the official start of the pep band season! when did i become such a band geek? when??? it was actually at least our like... 10th practice, but all those other ones were for homecoming. today all the kids that want to join showed up... oh man, so many bassists/guitarists. as of right now, nick and i are the guitarists, will on bass, and neil and corey on drums. that's our rhythm section. today we have 3 guitarists and 3 bassists show up. is it so awful that i really dont want to let them in? not that they're not good (i dont even know who they are, never mind if they're any good). nick and i are happy in our little guitar love pit (aka: the rug we stand on during gigs; ben dubbed it this last year... oh ben! we miss him!), and neither of us want anyone else. ESPECIALLY since we just got the new line 6 amps (hot!). there is no way the newbie is plugging into one of those! theyll have to bring their own! nick and i earned these! hahaha. this is what he and i talked about during the whole practice. oh, that... and how we want to tell the wrong chords to the FNG's (a phrase i picked up from 'the beach' by alex garland) so that when they audition next week... well.... you see how it goes. however, i am delighted that no chicks are trying out, so i will maintain my title as 'hottest female in the rhythym section' for the second straight year. heh heh. it was also weird without ben (guitar) andy (sax) will (drums) and cris (bass). we got the schedule: toga night on 20 february! w00t! (toga night = dressing up in togas, playing at the game, chanting TOOOO-GA! TOOOO-GA! and an evening of rock n' bowl.... in the togas. mucho mucho divertido!!!!!) also, we're celebrating chinese new year this year (22 jan). awesome. i heart band geeks.

i just wish i was better and/or had more time to practice!

happy halloween!

i have the sats manana, so i didnt even get to go out tonight. oh well. i could have gone to kellys... but she lives in nk, about 45 minutes away. i didnt really feel like a) leaving before 930 and b) driving 45 minutes home. i know i really shouldnt be nervous about tomorrow, but i am. im trying not to think about it though.

excellent day! again, nothing done in english. w00t. played a little obadiah bingo (when he says a classic obi word/phrase, you cross it out on your card... obi phrases include: "at filene's...", "super nooooooo", "super baaaaaaad", "ohmygod! ohmygod!", anything about jesus, "i cannot believe that!", and a special one is the eye rub... he is always rubbing his right eye!) pulled a 98 in ap chem this quarter. and, after busting my ass for the past 45 days for that class, all my teacher had to say was "oh dont worry. we'll bring that grade down with the midterm." hah. funny. hah. get it? joke. check.

nothing satisfies anyone and i just give up on everything.

oh! gymmmmm!!! best fire drill of me and scorp's livessssssss. the end. love jess. afterwards, we got to pick what class we want to take this quarter: basketball, soccer, weight room, volleyball, or ballroom dancing. i signed up for ballroom dancing with scorp lally si and mike mostly because a) they were doing it (peer pressure haha!!) and b) you dont even have to change into gym clothes! (which is good, because i dont have any... i lent mine to kieran in freshman year... who lent them to blake... who lent them to sean.... who lent them to steve... you can see where this is going) but alas... to many juniors signed up and i didnt make the cut. i got cut from gym. yeahhh me. well, i was most certainly not doing basketball (did that 7th and 8th grade... it didnt work out between the two of us...), and the last time i played gym volleyball i got wicked depressed after (once you play real volleyball, where people actually move around the court, it's hard to play in gym with people who choose not to exert any energy at all), and not certainly weight room (obvious reasons). so im in soccer. sure to be a good time. i guess. i used to play soccer. like first through seventh grade? whatever. i somehow managed to only take 4 gym classes this quarter (with legitimate excuses!) so hopefully ill pull that off again.

yeah so this afternoon... came home, ran, slept, played guitar. dad went out, mom and shel did the trick or treating shindig, i played more guitar, ordered a veggie pizza and watched the matrix reloaded. (soooo stoked about revolutions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

ok, so im worried about the sats. but also, i think im more worried about getting dave tickets tomorrow. they go on sale at 10. i have to depend on mi madre. oh man, i hope i score at least 4. craaaaaaap. im def more worried about the latter. hah! and people think i need to get my priorities straightened out!

im out. peace out girl scout.