smileyjess

...going to see dave matthews (and friends~) on 13 december!

bount chicka bount bouuuuuunt

weekend in a flash:

as i mentioned, friday was spent eating veggie pizza and jamming on el tigre rojo. i was in bed by 930. picked up p. fabulous (aka patty to some) on sat morning and we headed on down to good ol' school for some SAT-ing. they werent as hard as anticipated, but nevertheless difficult. took 4 and a half hourrrrrrrs. 745-1215. however, time did not crawl by, so i guess thats a good sign... right? i guess ill be satisfied if i crack 1250 on my first try. not happy... but satisfied. i took em wicked early so that i have like... 5 more chances to take them before i apply early decision.... blah. afterwards i went shopping, got some ropa nueva and then slept from 3-5. headed over to lizs around 630 ish then we picked up las chicas (rach y katie) and grabbed grub at applebees. back a la casa de liz we chillaxed with nick joe and the other katie. viewed 'not another teen movie' (lol). they put in 'the core' as i was leaving. dropped off rach y katie headed home to watch friends the complete second season!! (awwww yeahhh) actually, i only watched the two episodes that i had not already seen... the one with five steaks and an eggplant and the one where ross finds out. ("you're over me? when were you.... under me?")

liz rach and rye are in for dec 13th with dave and friends at the dunk. i've got two more tickets.......... i'm now accepting all bribes.

today i slept in until 11, then worked 12-6. now i'm home and chemistrying it up. oh, and analysisizing it up.

catch you later skaters

oh monday. slept in. until 650, that is. history first. we played a game. my team was so stacked yet we still lost. damn. then spanish. dia de los muertos proyectos = yummy food. soph lunch with the usual study crew, the chem. it was so weird today! my teacher actually.... taught! i learned!!! notes... were taken! it's almost as if he decided he wants people to do well this quarter! how veird! he also said that second quarter will probably be easier than first. i'm not too convinced... so i'm not holding my breath on that one. then i went to the library for senior lunch because i knew motta would be there. he talked to me about slutty girls ("jess? jess? what do i say to such a slutty chick? how do you react?!!!" "i dont know chris!!!!!! leave me alone!!!!!!!!") and drew all over my nice, new chem notes. i love motta for life. for. life. then ana and english. perdy sweet. english drops tomorrow, so its guaranteed to be a great day.

today gian mikel had this funky (in the worst sense of the word) chinese drink during study. his mom picked it up in china town. it was like... in a capri sun juicebag... but chinese, with a little twisty thing on top. on the front, it had batman (in pink?), strawberries, and a little chinese man (like... a real life picture?). we-- gian, lally, scorp, ta, mark, matt [reppin new bedfud matt] kieran and i-- poured some out on the table (for shits and giggles...) and discovered that it was... clumpy. clumpy juice. what the fuck! it had a jello-like texture. we then discovered it was a month past the expiration date, but still! i mean, it's just juice, right? so then we grabbed some of the tiny little ketchup and mustard containers and downed them like shots (in front of like... 3 out of the 4 deans) good times, good times. i heart us.

that's my little anecdote for the day.

after school i went for a run, then shopping. no one even got home until 830. i love how i never seem to know where my family is. its chill, dont worry.

tomorrow's scorps bday :)
41 days until dave (symbolic of #41... *sigh of contentment*)

today went well. soph, junior, and senior lunch with no english. cant ask for anything better. oh, and it was scorp's birrrrrrrrrthdayyyyyyyyy! (scorp quote: "but it's my birrrrrrrrrthdayyyyyyyyy!")

lately i realized that i'm becoming quite the escape artist. if i dont want to deal with something, ill simply walk away from it. i realize that this is a self-destructive path to be following, yet i cannot seem to turn around or veer off of it, no matter how much i may want to. and im fully aware that by avoiding the problems, i am only making the problems even worse. whenever i don't feel like handling a situation, i find myself simply walking away. not exactly the best way to solve the problem, yes, i know. but at least it doesn't hurt as much as it could if i stuck around. but sometimes walking away is good. like... if someone says/does something that sets me off, it is better to walk away than to blow up at that person. walking away can be theraputic, because it allows me to fully think about consequences of actions before enacting them. but i shouldnt avoid the problem altogether. too often lately i find myself avoid even... myself. in order to escape from my thoughts, ill go running (as i did today). or ill play my guitar (as i did today). or ill sleep at random times (3p-7p). but how do you solve the problem... when you are the problem?

over the weekend, i reread wasted by marya hornbacher. and i found this quote in it that i think kind of fits what i'm going through right now:

[We] tend to be very diametrical thinkers - everything is the end of the world, everything rides on this ONE THING, and everyone tells you you're very dramatic, very intense, and they see it as an affectation, but it's actually just how you THINK. It really seems to you that the sky will fall if you are not personally holding it up. On the one hand, this is sheer arrogance; on the other had, this is a very real fear. And it isn't that you IGNORE the potential repercussions of your actions. You don't think there are any. Because you are not even THERE.

sometimes life seems unreal. like... ill be sitting in the middle of class... say history... and ill be taking notes. and all of a sudden... ill see myself taking notes (out of body experience?) and something pops into my brain "why? why am i writing down this information? is it really necessary? how is it going to help me in the long run?" ill zone out for a minute, grant myself a brief respite from the note-taking. no less than one minute later something else pops into my mind "fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail." and suddenly my pen springs to life.

something very similar happened to me today as i was running. "why? why am i running? what does this prove?" and i found out that im running to get away; to ascend stress, drama, general feeling of blah-ness.. it was a very releasing thought. and i hereby resolve to deal with everything. i'm not going to follow that self destructive path of evasiveness anymore. i can't guarantee a fluid u-turn--- hell, i cant even guarantee a complete 180 turnaround at all. but i do promise a gradual meandering that will eventually lead me somewhere that i ought to be. instead of stuck here in the mud.

from today on... i will deal.

all day today, i was in a good mood. even when i thought about the analysis test i have on friday. oh oh. and that ap history one, as well. and the fact that i dont have a study tomorrow flat out sucks.

but with each of these realizations, a general feeling of happiness was ever present inside of me. why the good mood, you ask? did a certain someone apologize for slanderous remarks about me on his website? no, no. was it the fact that i'm seeing dave in less than 6 weeks? not entirely. did i overcome my shyness and strike up a conversation with ynw? no. (i'm still working on making eye contact...) ill tell you why!!!!

because matrix revolutions came out today!!!!!!!!

sometime last week, scorp and i planned to go after school today. she bought our tix online last night. it was me her kieran blake and matty b. we speedchanged after period c and literally sprinted across the school parking lot, threw our stuff in the car, and jumped in. blake yelled matrix out the window periodically as we were departing. spirits high, but time running short, we arrived at the providence place around 150. (we had tix for the 2 o clock show.) up something like 6 escalators and half the length of the mall, we ran towards the theatre. we had one man down when matt's shoelace almost got caught in an escalator, and 2 men down when we passed the free samples of chicken at the chinese place in the food court (blake: "chicken! glorious chicken!") we just about made it. but alas... the damn ticket person wouldnt let us in, that bitch. 17 to buy tickets, and 21 to bring in people under 17 with you. scorp was fine- she just had her bday yesterday. but the rest of us... 16. so we bought tix for scary movie 3 and snuck into the matrix. we were golden!!!! .... for about a half hour. fuckity fuck fuck fuck. damn bitch found us in the theatre! but have no fear- we were not about to just leave without putting up a good fight. we've been waiting since may for this!!! unfortunately, though, going back into the 2 oclock theatre was out of the question, so we went into the 130 theatre. we decided that it was better to sacrifice the half hour than to not see the movie at all, right? right, jess.

i must say though... i was severely let down. matrix revolutions did not live up to even the least of my expectations. i mean, sure, the effects were awesome, but at this point in the game, they're a given! the plot was less than satisfactory. keanu cannot act. and at the end..... well.... ill let you see it. but it's almost as if they didn't know how to end it. despite my letdown, i still had a great afternoon with lau blake matty and kieran.

afterwards, all chowed and lau dropped blake and kieran off and we took matty to vball practice (yeah rams!!!!) we walked alllll the wayyyyy down to our soccer fields (with brand new lights!!!) only to witness the last 10 seconds of our boys semi final game. we won, of course (4th in the nation???), 3-0. (yeah rams!!!!) i got home around 6ish.

tomorrow should be good. im drrrriving to school! w00t! complete with my newly-granted parking sticker! aww yeahh. ill get english out of the way before lunch. also, pep band despues de las clases. excellent. (first gig on 5 december!! thats a mere 8 days before dave!!!!!!)

oh. i thought i'd take the time to mention that i'm obsessed with that show rich girls. i love it. the manolo blahniks, the parties, the estates and private beaches in the west indies.... (i have decided that thats where i'm going to live) i think it stems from my deep desire to be a 'rich girl.' (duh) i never watch tv at all. but last night i couldnt sleep so i just turned on the telly and it was on. so good! and i usually hate reality shows (besides the forerunner, real world) also... michaelontheshowiswickedhawt. the end. love, jess.

hey also

did i mention im going to cali again?

oh, hilarious link: end of the world

"nice job, jess. keep it up."

so easy for you to say.

i dont know where to begin about today. it's only 630, yet it seems like it's been an extremely long day... almost a dream... and i'm just waiting to wake up.

today i gained a lot of persepective. it was quite the day for learning.

there's really no need for detail at all. but i just thought that i should mention that i'm probably not going to be writing here anymore. i would rather use the time it takes to type up this... this... place for my complaints... and write something more meaningful in a private journal than here for all.

maybe in a little while ill return. i just want to get some stuff sorted out. posting here never truly helps. it's a waste of my time, not to mention yours. if i'm going to post some writing, i want it to really mean something... instead of this superficial, surface level bs i write everyday. i wish i could say that yeah ill start this up again, and next time, it will be worth our whiles. but i really dont think i have that in me.

so i guess here, at a mere 146 entries, ill just catch you on the flip side.