1 down, 5 to go. if i make it through tomorrow i know i can do anything. ap chem and analysis. i laugh in the faces of those who believe sleep to be a necessary habit.
everything is going very well right now. for once, things are falling into their proper places instead of scattering and smashing. everything seemed a bit shaky there for a minute, but i think i'm back on solid ground now. sorry to be so vague. essentially all you need to know is that i am no longer allowing myself to be stubborn to the point of only causing more damage to myself. i.e.... friendships. a lot has changed. a lot. change and i....... well... we do not get along (one time will suggested i stand in another spot of the love pit that is our rhythm section. this was not uncalled for, it really just made more sense- less electrical cords crossing (hah i just spelled cords "chords"), easier amp access, etc. but NO WAY was i moving. There is a specific spot on our awful oriental rug that has been my place for almost a whole season and a half now, and you'd have to uproot me to move me from it. that's just an inkling to how i cope with change) so people changed, and i refused to. i didn't want anyone or anything to change. i resented these changes and chose to ignore them, when really they were.... un-ignorable. (jesspeak) only in the past 2 weeks or so have i fully realized how ridiculous i have been, and i plan on changing that now. for the better.
i'm also happy because lately i haven't been dreading getting up and going to school each morning. it's not that it's a bad place. it's just there are so many other things i'd rather be doing with my time than learning what the heck ad hominem or shielding effects are. (ad hominem is a verbal attack on an author rather than the presented arguments and the shielding effect is the lessening of attraction between valence electrons and the nucleus as sublevels and orbitals are increased; increases across a period of the periodic table) it's not that i'm looking forward to going to school or anything, but at least i'm not fighting a losing battle against the urge that tells me to stay in bed each morning or to blow off that homework assignment. let's face it- i've got at least 5.5 more years of school to attend (in a sick way, 'hopefully' almost 10). might as well accept it because it's not going anywhere. and instead of focusing on the negatives (i.e. classes lol) i'll focus on the positives. like pep band games, acadec meetings (hahahhaha 'while you were studying we were partying'), upcoming volleyball season, frees, and lunch. plus wednesday early dismissals. really, i have no legitimate excuse to complain about my school.
ok sorry i just reread that and it almost makes me sick. did i really write that? lol
yeah so i have been having the freakiest dreams lately! a couple of nights ago i dreamt that i lived in what can only be described as candyland (best game everrrrr!) then another night i dreamt (nightmared? again, jesspeak) that i ran over my guitar with my car by accident as i was backing out of the driveway. then last night i dreamt that instead of having to take my regular chem exam, i had to take the full-fledged, 28 chapters worth of the standardized AP exam. yes- and i was the *only one* who had to. and my score was going to count for 20% of my semester average. AP exams are graded 1-5. which meant that even if i got a perfect 5 (impossible!!!!!!! i'd be lucky to pull a 1- we're not quite halfway through the book yet), the highest possible semester average i could get would be a 77.4 (dreamjess did not figure this out- but she realized it was definitely extremely low). i woke up and seriously could not go back to sleep that's how fast my heart was racing. pathetic, i know i know.
so anyways. yes. real chem exam tomorrow. not going to panic because i know i've done everything that i can, and i've still got a good 7 more hours in my day.
ultimately decided to keep the winter ball dress i chose a few weeks back. it's black, with a little bit of white, and from lord and taylor. andy and i shall be rocking tophats and topgun sunglasses. Rhodes will not know what hit it.
alright then gangsters.