smileyjess

i was recently introduced to this song.

africa by toto

I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She’s coming in 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you

Chorus:
It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what’s right
Sure as kilimanjaro rises like olympus above the serengeti
I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become

Chorus

(instrumental break)

Hurry boy, she’s waiting there for you

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in africa, I bless the rains down in africa
I bless the rains down in africa, I bless the rains down in africa
I bless the rains down in africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

what a bunch of bums.

i'm distraught... yet loyal.

"just drink away the pain."

i logged 37 hours of work this week. (see extended entry!!) my eyes hurt like whoa. but it makes me laugh when i think how much i get paid to do such mind numbingly easy tasks. i have already earned casual days for the whole month of july in my first week. two claps anyone? :) this week's paycheck shall be invested in pinstripe pants and dolce sunglasses. (jon would be so proud.)

today was shelby's birthday. 12 years ago today my life was turned upside down.

i gave money to my favorite homeless man today. those in the cranston area know him well- the man with the dog... he's always near exit 4 off route 37 west? i hadn't seen him in awhile. see, before they didn't let him in the homeless shelter because he refused to abandon his dog. he recently suffered a stroke however, and was admitted into the hospital. unfortunately, his dog is now nowhere to be found. it is such a beautiful dog, i really hope they find him.

he has the most beautiful eyes (the guy, not the dog. maybe the dog, too, though.) i've talked to him before, and encourage you to do so as well. he always says "vaya con dios." ("go with god.") my aunt found out that he's here all the way from seattle! rye and i have plans to talk to him about his travels, we know he's got some good stories in him.

chris and i went everywhere today. borders, whitehouse/ blackmarket (to return my sunglasses which broke againnnnn grrrr!!!!!), limited two (shopping for shelby), savers, starbucks, nana and tata's (quality time with jacknmatt!), pier one, the library (my alexander hamilton biography by ron chernow arrived! i'm way too excited about this, sorry, guys), mi casa, hope highlands elementary school, flower picking, ben and jerry's. settled in for a night of dane cook, mitch hedberg, and, yes- flashdance. (like a whole 30 seconds... okay, fine, i admit it... 40!)

wednesday: senior pictures went fine. i felt dumb. i wore a shirt with a collar, and was so worried that it wouldnt look right that, yes, i brought a change of clothes. i also had to go to dellaria so that malissa would make my hair stay straight. (note to self: invest in a straightener.) saw a bunch of people! it was very nice, even met someone new! :) the whole process took all of 5-7 minutes. vogue was playing whilst i was having my pics taken, what a veird coincidence!!!

thursday keywords: patchwork pants and a voice lesson and best.pizza.of.my.life.

tomorrow i'm up early to hit up misquamicut, pilny bbq, kowal parrrrtayyy, and waterfire.

one of these days i'll write something other than about what i've been up to. stuff's still racing through my mind at a mile a minute and i cannot grasp the concepts long enough to provide words. in the meantime i'll hum dave matthews band's tune "so right" (off of everyday, the dmb cd i believe i've listened to the least) and write these entries mostly for my own sake.

i miss all of you gangsters.

fire and ice by robert frost
Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

went to waterfire last night. got there just as they were lighting all the grates.

twas very crowded.

mesmerizing

this guy tossed me a flower from his boat

gondola ride- que romantic

taken from the exchange street bridge, i believe...

funky shot of car headlights

another bridge shot

a glimpse through branches

the grates around the providence place

not fire, not ice by ben harper
There is not a river wide
Not a mountain high
And neither sin nor evil
Could change how I feel inside
Could change how I feel inside

But true love is give and take
True love is sacrifice
But there’s nothing can keep me from loving you
Not fire, no, not ice
Not fire, no, not ice

ever needed to just get away?
after such a wonderful night on saturday, a terrible sunday morning, was, of course, inevitable, right? harsh echoing words, still resounding in the distance.

rye rescued me just in the nick of time. an unexpected phone call, a quick shower, and pillow later, i was off to narragansett. took my time driving down there, taking in the lack of beach traffic, soaking up the lovely sun, admiring the sky, with so much for the afterglow (everclear's last good album; a necessary staple in the collection of any self proclaimed music fiend) playing louder than was really necessary.

i escaped to galilee.

we packed fig newtons and coke (not diet!), grabbed my favorite beach blanket from tijuana, and settled on some random field for an evening of fireworks. we arrived there nice and early (as per mama sue's advice), played rummy, and listened to some live music. quality people watching. the fireworks were most enjoyable.

later we walked along cronin, a tiny beach i havent had the pleasure of visiting in the daytime yet. it was a little past 11, and we were led by the glow of pt. judith lighthouse. shoes were abandoned along the edge of the brush, and rocks were carefully meandered around. the fog horn blared in the distance (it was a rather miasmic evening.) steady and sure. we saw several more fireworks shows from the water's edge, and heard the too-high voices of nearby tipsy patriots. flashlights danced, and a couple scrambled down from the lifeguard chair, fearing popo's. we found ourselves in the mood for ice cream (ok, i found myself in the mood for ice cream), but alas, my need was not met. we headed back to the lovely, quaint beachhouse that rye's family built way back when with zox in the player and hands out the windows.

i made my first pb&j (grape, of course) on wheat in far too long. breadcrust never tasted so good for some reason. emma (rye's 8 month old, 80 pound, amazingly beatuiful yellow lab) snored lazily nearby. (she's an excellent watchdog.) nearing midnight we left via the backdoor deck to hit up a party at jessie's (best part? jessie no longer lives in the house where we were heading.) it was nice to put some faces with names; many were still celebrating our independence by imbibing.

afterwards, we walked home, and i could still hear the low, macabre toll of the fog horn. steady and sure.

my yearning tastebuds were satisfied upon devouring several watermelon slices and a spoonful of reese's ice cream. we chatted a bit more in the warm light of the kitchen, and- both exhausted- called it a night just after 12 or so.

i left my bedroom window (or rather, that of rye's sister's old room) open so as to more fully experience a night by the beach. i heard still more fireworks in the distance, rustling leaves, and scattered voices along the few lit up houses on the street.

i was lulled to sleep by the fog horn, which i now had discovered to be oddly comforting. steady and sure.

i just wanna believe

after some delicious blueberry pancakes for breakfast, it was off to bristol (with brand new's deja entendu playing) for the 5th (?) of july parade (too many churches along the route to have it on sunday or something.) we ended up walking around aimlessly for almost two hours, exploring gardens and boat decks, people watching and silently observing, exchanging glances that required no words. i think we were the only two people that welcomed the rain.

we never even made it to the parade. went to my cousins' house and took over the available couches. woke up in time for comida, then headed south so that ryan could hit up captain's practice (him being the captain and all...)

now i'm home. just wrapped up 100 pages of a prayer for own meany (too lazy to link, deal). off to write a letter to my favorite boy scout.

bye beautifuls.

these nightmares have got to stop.
now.

so we get there. lay down our blanket and lie on our backs.

"excuse me? do you mind if we ask you a question?"

some dude and his camera guy came over and gave us VIP tickets. all we had to do was "get excited." rachel asked how excited. section 7, row d excited. so rach liz rye and i were given these fucking awesome seats for free. oh, and we also had access to the VIP lounge. yeah that's right bitches. (i think liz must have flashed him or something, that's how good they were!)

so we're sitting in these hot seats, dancing the night away, and some other random guy sits next to me in the middle of the set. his name was jeff (he told me about 4 times, then felt the need to write his name and number on my hand) and he was from the lawn and he'll be a sophomore at university of richmond in the fall. he and his friend were following dave around for the summer. (he skipped studying abroad for dave. how sweet!) before the encore, jeff grabbed my hands and pulled me from our row, then we sprinted to where the section 1 people were leaving and managed to score two seats (beer provided as well!) just a couple of rows back. fucking awesome view. dave looked so hot. words cannot even describe how hot.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm let's just take a moment, shall we?

afterwards i ran back to liz and rach and gave them our tickets so they would be admitted in. then rye and i hung back and rocked out to tripping billies.

my hair is disgusting, i have spilled alcohol (not mine, of course!) all over my feet and sandals, and i can't wear my contacts because the smoke was so thick last night. oh and i have to be in for work at 730.

it couldnt have been a better night.

i can't wait to go back tonight. chris and i have tickets for the lawn, but i'm bringing our section 7 and section 1 tickets (the people dont check the date) so maybe we'll be able to sneak down. and even if we dont i still know it will be amazing. chris is a dave virgin. heh heh. i can't wait to taint him.

here's the set list. when i heard the opening violin intro to the stone i swear to god i thought i was just going to cry. and then i did during crush. hmm? is incredible, definitely a favorite (which was isn't though?) help myself was spectacular, and dave did the scat during jimi thing. hotness.

One Sweet World
Best of Whats Around
The Stone
Song That Jane Likes
New Song #4
Crush
Rhyme & Reason
Hmm ? [New]
Warehouse
I Did It
New Song #3
Where Are You Going
Help Myself
Fool To Think
Jimi Thing

encore:
New Song #1
Tripping Billies

come and relax now
lay your troubles down
no need to bear the weight of your worries here
let them all fall away

dia dos de dave was as expected: a.m.a.z.i.n.g. dont burn the pig? recently? fuck yeah. i melted when stefan whipped out the slide guitar. i stole chris' dave virginity. such a davewhore. i realized that i love dave fans as well. they crack me up. i stole another banana. and an orange. madeleine took the fall for my orange stealth, what a friend!!!!!! we talked about the nate (of gossip girls duhhhhhh!) of school and laughed out loud. chris and i made the mistake (?) of parking at tweeter (i'm sorry, but $30 for premier parking is fucked up. i can think of many other things i can use that money for. my heroin addiction, for one.) the concert was over around 1130, and i was home by 2ish.

oh. my. dave.

oh so, this person from yale came to my house. and no one was home. i hope he doesn't blacklist me. speaking of the sacred institution, mi padre y yo lo visitaremos manana. quality time with rick. (shoots self)

on the flip side, yale. mmmm i need to stop getting my hopes up. i'm seriously considering not applying anymore because i fear rejection so. freaking. badly.

how come, somehow, i have been not be informed of the hotness that is jude law?

bad news about work. they're starting to realize i'm capable of advanced responsibilities. right now, one of my superiors is on vacation and i have to essentially do her job plus my job. i worked 9 hours today.

florida next week. i totally forgot about it. i don't really want to go. i mean it'll be awesome; i booked myself a massage (online) at the resort just the other day. and my mom said i can order drinks and just charge em to the room. i would just rather save my parents the money for my plane ticket and use it for california later this year.... *sighhhh*

anyways, words cannot convey my exhaustion. staying in for the night. alexander hamilton and cold mountain. 'nuff said.

setlist/mansfield,ma/7july2004
Too Much
Granny
Don’t Burn The Pig
New Song #4
Bartender
When The World Ends
Drive In Drive Out
New Song #1
Lap Steel Intro
Grace Is Gone
Recently
Grey Street
Intro
New Song #3
encore:
So Much To Say
Pantala Naga Pampa
Ants Marching

i just listened (as opposed to heard) to brand new's me vs. maradona vs. elvis.

and for the millionth time, i wish i could enjoy music without having to think about the lyrics. i drive myself crazy.

literally.

it is a beautiful/sad song. i kind of want to curl into a ball underneath my comforter and not come out for a couple of days.

ignorance is bliss

personality test results (as seen at eka's)

it's not so much of a shocker. rather freakishly accurate, for the most part.

Wackiness: 20/100
Rationality: 40/100
Constructiveness: 40/100
Leadership: 60/100

You are an SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a dictator. You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

i call this one "ryan passed out on a couch"

i heart red (4lyfe, fool)

visited yale yesterday. it was perfect, love jess. i dont want to talk much about it because it will only hurt that much more if i dont get in. let's just say that several times i had to stop picturing myself on campus as a student. i had to stop myself from thinking 'oh, when im back here, i'll forever remember that day dad and i visited here and we ate here and walked there" and "oh, when im back here, i'll have to be sure to do this and that and this and that and oh i love yale."

i still need to improve my sat scores by 40 points to meet the 25% mark of accepted students. they have a 30% minority population. why must i be a painfully normal white 17 year old girl with two college educated parents living in middle class white suburbia? quoth greenday 'i wanna be the minority.'

nah, i really just want to get in. need to get in.

the funny part is i dont know if i should even apply.

afterwards i called up rye, canceled our plans, thought about other plans, made some phone calls, talked to chris (imisshimmucho, he finally comes home tmw), made other plans, canceled other plans, and drove to ryans. sat in the sun and read in his backyard. we both gave into the demands of our sweet teeth and ravaged his change jar, finally amasssing $4 in quarters. we purchased pop rocks, blow pops, 4 fundips, nerds, airheads, candy necklaces, and laffy taffy. we lazily lounged on the grass by the gazebo and increased our calorie consumption (screw south beach, i love carbs sooooo much!!!!!!!!)

later we met up with gauvin and cody at a sushi place in c-town. rye and i both abstained from ordering (he had no money and i would die). then it was off to coventry for a little offroading! (oh but first gauvin needed ice cream- wrestlers eat a ton, apparently!) on the way there, ryan and i sang luda's 'what's your fantasy?' (we can do it in the library/ on top of the books/ but you can't be too loud) we parked my car behind some trees, and then hopped in gauvin's truck. rye and cody were in the back, i had shotgun and we were went to... somewhere in coventry, i guess. rye and i went first. it was awesome. i've never been offroading. here's a conversation we had as we were trekking over small trees, bottoming out as we forded rivers, and slid along rocks:

jess: what are all those metal things on the ground?
gauvin: car parts.
jess: fuck.

yeah. then i saw two completely flipped over cars on my right.

after about a good hour, hour and a half, we went to some kids house where he had chickens and pretty blue ducks. then rye and i came back to cranston and made smores.

today i slept until 12. it felt ridiculously wonderful. i'm not doing that anymore this summer though, it felt like the whole day was wasted.

alas! it is not! now i'm off to boston for my first RED SOX GAME OF THE SEASON!!!!!! (girlie scream) i'm getting ready to watch them kick the rangers' asses. should be a good time, we've got nice and hot box seats. yummy. (i'll still bring my binoculars to get nice views of johnny's butt. yummy squared.)

love you beautifuls.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
not fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

me, mark, farah, dan, deanna, and katie

deanna, katie, mark, me, farah, and dan
shamelessly stolen from katie's hobyri website

so we're leaving thursday apparently. that's cool.

ill be here as of 11am tomorrow. (flying wickedfrigginearly out of boston)

i dont have any words. summer has officially fried my brain. i'm lovin' it. but ill have a lot of time to think these next 4 days as i lounge poolside/beachside.

the toughest decision ill have to make is which to go to first.

usually my mom schedules every vaca down the second. this time, its all up to me. it goes something like this:

wake up
eat
sleep by the beach
wake up
eat
sleep by the pool
wake up
eat
sleep

p.s. i'm on a liquid diet if you catch my drift........

Days Like This by Van Morrison
When it's not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this
When you don't need to worry there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there'll be days like this

When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there'll be days like this

When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks
When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
When it's nobody's business the way that you wanna live
I just have to remember there'll be days like this

When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything isWell my mama told me there'll be days like this

home from FL and all i have to say right now is:

1. $700 resort room = awesome
2. $700 resort room for free = wickedsuperfriggenuber awesome
3. saki = not awesome
4. sakitini = wickedsuperfriggenuber awesome
5. i got a tan.
6. i am exhausted.

i'm too lazy to resize pictures right now, some are guaranteed to be on the way though. i promise.

night beautifuls

ap exam scores:

u.s. history: 5
english: 5
chemistry: 2

i could rant about how the last one is clearly not a reflection on the student but rather the teacher, but i wont. you've heard it all before. this just wicked sucks. thanks for wasting a whole year's worth of my time, lenny. i advise anyone who reads this blog and plans on taking ap chem at school next year to SWITCH THE [expletive] OUT RIGHT NOW.

so what did i do? absolutely nothing. and i loved every second of it. plans from a few posts back went accordingly. the resort was fabulous, people waiting on us hand and foot. it was awesome. chocolates on the pillows, concierge that sends couresy sakitinis at each restaurant you book a reservation through him with... 15th floor room ('preferred customer')... 3 pools, super fluffy towels and comfy bathrobes... south beach itself was... scummy in comparison to SoCal. i didnt like it one bit. i honestly have felt more safer in NYC in the wee hours of morning than i did in florida. the nation's most expensive mall was across the street. dolce and gabanna, vera wang, d&g (yes, there is a difference), cole haan, tiffanys, bvlgari, lacoste, louis vuitton... 3 floors... i spent $15 getting my silver tiffanys necklace cleaned and thats all the money i spent while in ft. lauderdale. unfortunately i didnt have control of the camera, so there are only a few okay pictures i feel like sharing courtesy of laura... mostly views from our balcony; we didnt take the camera with us when we went to the beach. resort food is uber good, but also uber expensive. $12 pina colada, but i'd say it was worth it! the first night i stayed out on the beach with some family friends, then we realized we were hungry and just ordered pizza and watched stuck on you (with matt damon, very funny if its late at night) in one of our rooms. second night we ate at flanigan's, tasty. third night, china grill (awesome awesome place, the bass was so loud the floor was shaking) we went with a ton of people to FL, so each night we had between 10-15 people with us. it was a lot a lot of fun.

so yeah. then sunday we sat on a runway for 2 hours because it rained. (and rained. and rained.) but we flew song airline (sort of like jetblue), and i totally totally recommend it! individual tv's with movies, tv, and music. they had all of dmb's under the table and dreaming, so i listened to that all the way, both ways.

i feel helpless.

not the best week, i'm sorry my last entry was so vague, it's just sometimes i am overwhelmed by the intense notion that there is nothing i can do to stop the inevitable. and last week the inevitable happened.

i also hate seeing any of my friends hurt. i want to reach out and hug them, hold them tightly, i want to say all the right words, i want to take the pain away from them because they shouldn't have to bear it, i want to take their pain just so they dont have to.

and all i could do was cry. i couldnt get any words out, never mind the right ones. god, i couldnt even remember my name.

lots of help i am.

anyways, i'm spended a much needed therapeutic weekend at ryan's beachhouse. running of the fleet tonight and block island tomorrow. i am escaping.

again.

hmmm so an update.

my summer: work. play. read. eat. sleep. repeat.

wednesday. work 7- 3, then casa de ryan. we went to see blake, he looks good, i'm so proud of him. i love him. ran into a few gangsters. dan. kieran. danny. jennan. afterwards ryan and i didn't know what to do with ourselves, so we went to the mall (simply for lack of anything better to do.) went to j. crew. i got new jeans that made me smile. ryan got a bathing suit. the wait at the cheesecake factory was too long, so we went to papa razzi in garden city. sat on the patio, ate delicious flatbread pizza and listened to the concert from the gazebo. we had a good time.

thursday. work 7- 12, went to chariho to see chris. later we went to newport beach for his senior pictures then out to dinner. bridges still scare me. he got home 10 minutes before he was supposed to be leaving for north carolina (11?). they are going down there for 9 days, renting a huge house on the water, visiting colleges and whatnot. i was invited, but rick and lau refused to let me go.

friday. work 7- 2. drove to galilee, hung out with mrs. dean and emma for a half an hour until rye arrived. (ryan lives by a different clock. i call it "rye time.") packed some foodage up and drove to narragansett high school. captain ryan and his hendricken hotties runners were doing the 10 mile blessing of the fleet run. i felt stupid because 80% of the guys on the team weigh a good 20 pounds lighter than me. i handed out erg (an especially ridiculously gross beverage) with beav, mcginn, and mrs. dean. [when mrs. d. introduced me to mcginn he asked if i was (quote) dangilcreastjesskowal (endquote).] i met the second best high school runner in the state and he was so incredibly nice. and a redhead at that! afterwards ryan, a kid named dan howe, and i went in the water at narragansett beach. it was refreshing, albeit a bit freezing. dan howe was funny. he and ryan consider themselves 'the fat kids' of the team. they are not fat at all, and are incredibly in shape, but compared to the kids with cheeks so sunken their noses look huge and the other kids with protruding sternums and backbones... they're 'fat.' it's really quite disgusting. webb's legs are smaller than my arms.

we all ate dinner on the beach, then parted around 10. rye and i walked back to the high school to get his truck. attempted to off road a bit... (key word:: attempted.) it was hilarious. we got stuck and these two stocky dudes had to help us. what an adventure!!! went to his beachhouse, changed, then headed off to cronin's beach. ran into teegan and her boyfriend john on our way there. (it was great to finally meet her.) rye and i settled into a lifeguard chair around 1130 and started shooting the breeze. it was rather chilly. we're not even there for 5 minutes and some mofo idiot started screaming at the top of his lungs at the other end of the beach. i was shit scared. we sprinted back to the car. indulged in some comfort chubby hubby ben and jerry's when we got back to the house. sat at the table and just talked for an hour or so. called it a night around 1245 because i had been up since 5.

saturday. up at ten. blueberry pancakes on the deck. dark clouds. we went to the beach anyways and saw patty!! she let us in for free!! rock on!! i had to get home to run a few errands for my mom (she's having a party here today, we had a lot to get done.) so i was back in cranston around 1. talked to liz and rach, made plans to see anchorman at night. rach brought drew and drew brought brad (i think that was his name? maybe it was chad?) the five of us were cracking up throughout the movie. it was so fucking hilarious! i think i may have even liked it more than dodgeball! one of those movies were you laugh so hard it kind of hurts! ben stiller had a cameo ("como estan beaches!") and vince vaughn was in it too. will farrell rocks my socks.

rach got pizza and drew got ice cream. i saw zach!!! he had come in from waterfire and was on his way to federal hill. we decided to hit up waterfire. found scorp katie matt dylan mikayla and a kid named steve sitting on a blanket!! good times, i loved seeing everyone finally.

starting panicking when i realized i was going to be home later than i had promised, drove from providence place mall to my house in c town in 9 minutes (that kind of scares me but whatever) ate dinner around midnight. pizza for dinner for the 5th day in a row.

i've been feeling kind of low so far today. not really sure why, i wish the weather wasn't so shitty, it's summer, why is it only 68 fucking degrees? i need the sun. now.

"Purity is the opposite of integrity—the cruelest thing you can do to a person is make her ashamed of her own complexity. The stories of our lives have no morals. Any single conclusion drawn would be false; the episodes, taken together, are untranslatable, incomparable. If we are to conclude at all, we can only conclude against conclusions."

does anyone know if it's even legal to drive when your breakfast was a cocktail of allegra, dayquil, ibuprofen, and tylenol?

this morning my mom left for california. because, you know. she hasnt been in a whole 2 months now.

no, don't worry. i'm only a little jealous.

whatever. i'm working 40 hours this week, and then i'm buying a round trip ticket out of here for the last week of august. senior year is approaching way too fast, and i don't want to go back at all.

the best way to get rid of something you dont want to think is about is to completely avoid it because then it goes away. i swear.

let's get another.

I BELIEVE.

jon wall on applying to harvard after attending harvard summer school:

"if i dont get in here, i'm going to ask for my money back."

want another jw quote? (you know you miss that gangster)

"The fire chief thought it was hilarious that Rose and I had saved our computers but had left our friends to burn to death. I love Harvard."

p.s. i'm still exhausted and it's still barely 70 degress out

it's currently raining and i didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning. i fell asleep a little after midnight, but woke up again around three. i just wrapped up watching cold mountain (una pelicula awesome!!!!!) and i absolutely loved it. get it if you haven't already seen it. i literally could not take my eyes off jude law. amazing, amazing.

my last summer reading book came in yesterday at borders. i'm picking it up today, as well as the novel. hmmm i wonder which i'll read first?

"i swear i'll start summer reading tomorrow i swear"

i suppose ill go lie in bed for a half an hour until my alarm goes off and then i have to go to work. does anyone want to make a trip to wrentham with me either thursday or friday during the day? im me (smileyjess13)

sweet dreams

automatic response from bosoxnmr#:
trade deadline; is there any truth to the rumors..........
nomar to the cubs, clement to the sox?
lowe to the padres, payton to the sox?
jeter has sex with men?

now that i dont have mr. obadiah (hottest.picture.ever. [gracias rob(b)]) anymore, something tells me i may miss that man. i will not, however, miss writing like a mofo. whatever, i love the dude, thanks to him i got an 800 on the writing SAT II. he said he's going to have his sister make me a pink african shirt. tangible hotness.

Super-delicious! You know your Obi and I'm sure you
scored well on the AP Exam. You have ascended
into the class of students that can come back
to give him hugs during your frees.
Congratulations! You will be rewarded with
delicious babies to feed to your pigs.


What's Your Obi IQ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Collide by Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

i love summer. but the sun needs to be out more right now.

i can't really remember much of what i've been up to this week. i'm currently on an out of control jude law binge and started to watch the talented mr. ripley the other night. little did i know he dies less than halfway into it. i dont really have the heart to finish it now.

last night ross and i met para la cena at cafe luna. it was the first nice night out all week really. sat on the patio and just chatted for a couple of hours, then walked around. laughed at reflective pants and the agony of popped shirt collars. ended up in borders, flipping through mystical books and listening to gustav's the planets. made plans to beach it together soon. you know, before he goes back to yale. long exhale. oh, yale.

yadda yadda yadda worked today, long rant now to follow, skip the next 3 paragraphs if you're sick of my complaining.

work's been going well, notice the lack of excessive complaining? today i had my cell phone on and a temp worker who works there half as much as me had the nerve to 'pleasantly remind me (sic) that cell phones arent supposed to be turned on.' i dont like her for the following reasons:

1. she works half as much as me but has a nicer desk.
2. everyone hates her, but they're all too nice to say something, which makes something in me want to scream at her so the whole fucking floor will hear.
3. she has her own phone. (i do not because right now we can't fit any more phones into our unit blah blah blah)
4. she uses aforementioned phone every day she actually works to fucking call her family in england.
5. she has the snootiest british accent.
6. i can't even fake a snooty british accent.

i was inexplicably excessively upset at her today, so much so that i really couldnt concentrate (it just bothers me when people think they are better than me and can go on power trips and boss me around because they're 3 times my age, fuck that, sorry for all the vulgarity) i left at 12. five hours was more than enough. 36 hours this week = hotness (i havent even cashed my last paycheck for 31 hours!)

afterwards i drove to dan's and talked to his sister laura while he brushed his teeth. i kind of felt bad, but i mean it was almost 1! i had already earned 50 bucks! i wont even buy the whole 'i'm getting over monooooooo' excuse :) neither of us had eaten, so we decided to do that. i suck at driving in providence. the place he suggested on federal hill wasn't open for lunch, so we just decided to grab foodage at the mall and then see a movie or something. lunch was fun, we scared the people around us away (on both sides!!!) we laughed at our waitress, who was wearing a tie with pictures of her son all over it (i've developed an unnatural fear of kids as of late) and also wanted to shove dessert down our throats and have sex with me. yep. waitress. go figure. (the tie had to be fake)

then we saw the village. AND LAUGHED THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING. i encourage you to go see it too, if only because i'm pissed i paid 6 bucks too and therefore want you to also. i fell for every trap in it! AND IT WASN'T EVEN SCARY! afterwards i overheard a woman crying and explaining the meaning to her son -IN THE BATHROOM- and it was all i could do to keep from cracking up. maybe there's some philosophical aspect to it, but it kind of went over my head. my favorite part was when the blind girl was running through the woods. yes that's right. blind girl. running. in the woods. how can you not laugh?

i'm off for some chillage with andy, it has been far too long since i have seen himmmmmmmmm!!!!!

later skaters.

p.s.- pray that jon doesnt get expelled from harvard summer school for partaking in excessive alcohol consumption.

Genital (productivity) |||||||||||| 43%
Latency (learning) |||||||||||||| 60%
Phallic (sexuality) |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Anal (self control) |||||||||||||||||| 82%
Oral (dependence) || 10%

mouths moving at rapidfire speed, andy and i managed to catch up on the last couple of months over splendid dessert dinners anoche. i got to hear all about greek wekk, the end of his freshman experience at uri, the amazing band he's in (composed of will on drums and ben on guitar!) as well as barhopping literally stumbling lost drunk adventures (in between tours of seimens and various brewmeisters) in germany for two straight weeks. coming home and retreating back to the campus for a whole month as a freshman orientation leader and subsequent hallucinogenic visions of freshmen in will's basement (they were merely cymbal stands.) cruises to bermuda and being a ladies' man. gosh i missed andy! it was an excellent evening, and also i bought aviators. this year he's co-renting a house literally a stone's throw from the beach. (6 miles from uri.) i can't wait for the first soiree. i'm so happy for him; hearing about the awesome first year at college he's had makes me wish senior year away.

today i slept late and haven't done anything productive at all. i'm lovin' it. actually, i made a dent in one of my summer reading books. only one though. with tomorrow commencing august, i'm completely freaking out. i've got to read 100 pages a day if i want to have all my reading done by 31 august. (school starts 1 september!) how's everyone else handling it? comment, let me know...

waterfire tonight. zach and i shall be in attendance, cell it upppppp if you're going to be there too! and everyone should go to Cafe Pazzo (right across from the jazz stage- at 9 steeple street)- it's my friend mattie-anne's coffeehouse and she'll be open tonight. grab a cookie (theyre amazinggggg) or a latte (i know which one i'll be having!)

oh, and remember. you all must go see the village. because-- damnit-- i'm still pissed it was so terrible!

i will continue to wear my nomar shirt with pride.

he's been traded.