smileyjess

you know what's completely awesome? besides the fluffernutter i'm eating right now, that is.

when people forgive you.

i perfectly fit into the role of the victim in almost every dramatic scenario i find myself incapable of escaping. no matter what the problem is, it is never my fault. we all think this way, don't lie. i'm happy i can admit it, at least.

it's weird how we really don't take enough time to think about the people we victimize, usually because we do it without any care at all. for instance, not returning a call right away, arriving later than promised, not apologizing for either. i'm not talking about the obvious wounds we inflict upon others (verbal, physical, psychological, etc) here. just the little, subtle things that, after awhile, have the ability to cut deeper than you may have intended.

being unappreciative. you get the picture.

well anyways, my point (and there is one) is that too often i waste all my pity on myself, and that's terrible. and i feel i owe you an apology.

this seems so random, i know. but i've been realizing more and more the various ways i unknowingly inflict unneeded grief upon others, through complaints, sarcasm, being bad about returning voicemails, arriving late, bumming quarters at the lunch table for my diet coke fix (because the half a liter i take with me to school each morning no longer makes it past third period.)

today, someone forgave me. which, like i said, is completely awesome. but what's not-so-awesome is that i don't even know what i had done to need to be forgiven. (wow that was the most poorly constructed sentence ever.) hmm... put another way, i'm so dumb that i somehow hurt him without realizing it. and that's terrible on my part.

henceforth (mr w would be proud, hooray for introductory words!) i resolve to be more attentive about what i say and who i say it to. too often i have the tendency to be blunt and straightforward and say what's on my mind without pausing to think about the effect it may have on those around me.

that's not a very good tendency; i know that now. i'm so lucky to have been worthy of this person's forgiveness because it really meant a lot to me. but i know other times i won't be as fortunate, so that's why i want to make sure i don't let similar situations arise.

in other news....
- pep band today went smoothly
- nick rocks my socks because he wrote out some tabs for me
- this physics lab is dumb
- when it comes to college applications, i've developed severe paranoia
- the gas light in my car went on when i was 13 miles away from school and i panicked and filled up at the nearest station. it's name was Ravi. i put $3 in because that's all i had.
- who knew that the thought of calculus could make me smile?
- lauren o rocks my socks, also. just because.
- quote of the day comes from madeleine (of course): "dude, did you have any open cuts on your hand?" i love how that's completely up to your own individual interpretation
- the tortilla curtain is a good book
- i know who my first choice college interviewer is
- pep rally tomorrow
- currently nothing to wear to homecoming; thinking perhaps this will get people to dance with me
- shopping with mal after school tomorrow
- yep, this physics lab is still dumb.