smileyjess

i close my eyes and there you are. no, not you. you.

and i lie awake for hours at a time but with my eyes closed, longing for it to be real. i can literally feel my heart jump.

i want to reach out and pull you to me more than anything else. i want to hold you, feel your backbone through the thinness of your worn t shirt, glide my fingertips along the inside of your arm (as softly as guitar calloused fingertips are able to glide which is to say... not very).

let me dance in your palm.

i know i am not the best listener, but you will speak, and i will not (for once!) i sit here typing this with said cracked fingertips and a silent vow to stop biting my nails, and i hear your voice inflection and i cannot help but smile. i want to hold your head in my lap and listen to all the random shit you spit out and massage your temples and just be. just. be.

this time though your eyes are closed, and i will not want to blink, if even for a nanosecond. if i do, you may go away.

Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
And there are times
I lose my worried mind?

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when
I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You're my saving grace?