i saw a picture of you today. and it hurt more than i expected it to. i am by no means an actress, so i am honestly not exaggerating when i say that it was sudden, unexpected, and i inhaled sharply. i could feel my heart skip. seriously. whether or not it was my imagination... i do not know. i tried to focus on the movie we were watching in class - an ideal husband. i might as well have been watching como agua para chocolate. my thoughts tensed up, frozen like the ice on my window, slipping and sliding around one another, my mind denying them, every last one of them, entrance. do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars.
how the fuck are they here now?
i was the one that didnt want this, remember? yet for some inexplicable reason i find myself wishing i had someone with whom to share my senior year. so that i can reflect on it and be like yeah, wow, what a great year.... hooray for high school. not that life's not going well or anything. it's just... well, it's always nice when you have someone right? (unless they're all sorts of paranoid slash possessive. wow. ain't that the pot calling the kettle black.) someone to drag along to bridget jones 2 or alfie. someone to share a locker with. or someone to surprise me after school. someone to go sledding with during the first snow (and for a moment, someone to make me forget how much i hate it). someone to be there if i dont hear what i want to hear in 30 days. (something i've wanted to hear for, oh, 3 years or so now.) someone to comiserate over college apps about. someone to remind me that its okay that i have not the slightest clue about what i want to do with my future. ("what do you want to do?" "i want to be a pediatrician." but do i?)
but at the same time, i have no time. none. ever. at all. actually, i have negative time. so it's better this way. in fact, right now, while i sit here wishing someone was thinking of me, someone whose heart i made skip, someone who's due to call me any minute now, i'm supposed to be doing a physics lab.
so how about we just forget i ever typed anything? because remember, i have no needs or wants.
or time, for that matter.