smileyjess

people that own my heart:
1. art alexakis
2. madeleine

i distinctly remember the sharp crinkling of the cd wrapper when i first opened everclear's so much for the afterglow, a requested christmas present way back when in 6th grade. i was sitting on the padded cushion of my carpeted bedroom floor, gently placing the disc in my new player, folding my legs indian stule, elbows on my knees, thumbing through the liner notes. they were printed on black paper and i took extra special caution to not leave even the most barely notcieable trace of a fingerprint on them. i still gingerly handle the glossy pages with too much care six years later when i often do the same thing. except now i don't need to read the lyrics anymore, i could sing you that whole cd word for word, every track.

im convinced it was love. the lyricswere... words fail me. but i understood this. i knew what art alexakis was singing about. i absorbed all the tracks. i bought all previously released cd's with a significant chunk of my christmas money that year. i kept my love a secret. after all, i was 12, i wasn't supposed to be liking depressive music. i feigned an interest in the backstreet boys instead (yeah millenium tour!!)

i know it's totally hard to believe that i, a mere prepubescent, awkward, chubby, sensitive, and quiet sixth grader understood the heartwrenching story told from one angst ridden, heroin inspired song to the next: the habit, the depression, the fucked up relationships, his suicide attempts, and love for his daughter.

i understand completely. i find this so strange.

for almost three years i kept this dreadful secret to myself. but somehow, randomly, in a period e intro to computers course i took freshman year, madeleine and i discovered out mututal love named after a 190 proof alcoholic beverage.

last night we caught a show at the avalon. (my first 18+ event!) to be quite honest, i dont even listen to their new stuff. i made the mistake of buying songs from an american movie volumes one and two but i think those two cd's are not actually meant to be played, but rather used for coasters for my steaming mugs of bedtime tea. i think they suck because art was in rehab for a bit and they had to go and make him all sorts of happy. in preparation for the show, i've been listening to world of noise and so much for the afterglow over and over this week. i was really afraid they'd play the bad new stuff, which would have totally tainted the bad-ass image i have of them in my mind.

alas! i have good news! art's on heroin again!!!!

his legs were about the size of my arm, thighs certainly did not touch one another. with the lights shining on him in the center of the stage, shadows were clearly visible beneath his eyes, in the deep concavity of the sockets, and you could definitely make out his overly-defined jawline and jutting cheekbones.

seriously, picture a skeleton with too-little flesh stretched over his bones, tattoos everywhere and all around bad-assness positively emanating from his fingertips as they grazed the fretboard of his gibson.

so. fucking. unfathomably. hot.

strawberry by everclear
(off of sparkle and fade)
Never been here, never coming back
Never want to think about the things
That happened today
Want to lay down on the warm ground
I think I'm going to need a little time to myself

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

I ask you for a slow ride
Going nowhere
You look like Satan
You ask me if I want to get high
Couple of bags down in old town
You tie your arm and
Ask me if I wanted to drive

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

Last thing I recall
I was in the air
I woke up on the street
Crawling with my strawberry burns
Ten long years in a straight line
They fall like water
Yes, I guess I fucked up again

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now