you hate how you just cower into myself and feel gripped by some great force and lose all control, not to mention your breath, and your voice wavers and you can't hear yourself. all you can hear is the blood pulsing in your ears and all you can feel is a strange sense of weightlessness and tears spring into your eyes and your heart pounds against your sternum and faces become nothing but swirling blurs. you bite your tongue until the slightest metallic taste strikes a tastebud. you feel a pit in the very deep recesses of your stomach and you feel the heat of all eyes on you but don't understand their soothing words and pity. you hate their pity. despise it. you don't deserve it. you do it all to yourself. and you will it all to just stop. but it doesn't.
and even when it's over just the thought is enough to scare you.
again.