smileyjess

i arrived at mi casa a little after 1 this morning.
i woke up a little after 1 this afternoon....

.... to this: Attacks on London

i will never ever understand the ways of this world.

why?

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

It's time to play a little game i like to call 'How Well Do You Know Jess?'

.... and the million dollar question issssssss ....

When Jess first arrived home at 1 in the morning after a 3 week European vacation plus a 29-hour day (time change), what was the first thing she did?

a. Sleep
b. Unpack
c. Check her emails
d. Drink an entire 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke (with Splenda) while watching The Best of Friends Volume 1

....answer in extended entry....

days absent: 17
days tardy: 29

don't you just love it?

it's no secret i'm a nerd so i figured i may as well broadcast over the internet just a bit more.* here's a complete list of books i've plowed through thus far in the summer of 05.

* that, and i really dont feel like cleaning my room.

Prep by Curtis Sittenfield
hilarious peek into the collar popping world of $30 grosgrain belt wearing you-know-whats at a fictional boarding school that may have well been my life... in another life. if you went to la salle, i suggest you read this book.

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
ficticious inside look at war torn afghanistan. the author has lived through this, though, so it's actually very accurate. repulsingly graphic - had to put it down and walk away for a bit - but an elaborate work of art.

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
it made me cry. a lot. considering i am on medication so that i don't do that, it's pretty amazing. if you have a soul, read it. if you have read it already (madeleine), dont bother with her other book because i heard it's atrocious.

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccoult
weird. the medication worked for this one, i didn't shed a tear. it's actually frightening: picture a family with three children. the oldest has cancer, the second oldest doesnt have matching bone marrow and thusly cant prolong her life, so they genetically engineered the third child specifically to save the first kid. when the girl turns 13, she sues her parents for the rights to her body so that she doesnt have to constantly be poked and prodded with needles for the sole purpose of giving her sister another few months. don't read this book because i'm giving away the ending right here: the cancer patient asked her sister to sue the parents so that she could just up and die. terrible, terrible book.

Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow
because i love this dude. seriously, my favorite historical figure. jon and i want to go back in time and be best friends 4-ever.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt
superb nonfiction mystery that makes me want to visit savannah, georgia for an extended weekend, aimlessly wandering the windy streets and visiting the park with my camera.

The Book of Ruth by Jane Hamilton
depressing, yet awesome. told from the point of view of a mentally challenged woman, chroncling her downward spiral into a hellish marriage to a mentally deranged man.

Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier
lovely, exquisite. author's imagined story behind the vermeer painting. at the suggestion of a good friend, i rented the movie afterwards because it is exactly the same as the book. yum, colin firth.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
yeah, shut up. you read it too. and you've preordered the sixth one.

Gossip Girl #7: Nobody Does It Better by Cecily Von Ziegesar
blair got into yale. fuck that bitch. in fact, all the main characters are going to yale next year. fuck them all. fuckity fuck fuck fuck. that will be the last gossip girl i ever read.

i'm not bitter. $#%#!@$^! i swear.
also i take back what i said about not ever reading these trashy sex in the city esque novellas. it's kind of like an addiction.

now i'm off to borders to pick something up for when i hit the lovely floridian beaches next week.

-raindrops on roses
-playing hide and seek with your twin six year old cousins and your best friend
-super hot warhol marilyn munroe clutch that i totally forgot i bought in spain at el museo del prado
-tea bag gift pack from harrods
-beach with mad tomorrow during the day
-dave matthews band concert with rye tomorrow night
-graduation party invitations mailed today (mad expensive, if you didn't get one, you're still invited, im smileyjess13 for info :))
-lyric i cannot get out of my head no matter what i listen to "I only think of you/And it's breaking my heart/I'm trying to keep it together/But I'm falling apart"
-happy pictures from spain
-queen latifah. nuff said
-victoria's secret semi annual sale
-pilates/ballates classes for two hours
-"fix you" by coldplay, my current number one song on itunes. it makes me cry. but the good kind of cry, ¿sabes?

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all of my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

***pictures from my vaca coming... eventually... i'm so lazy it's terrible***

dave tonight.
orientation tomorrow and tuesday.

here comes the sun
do do do do

you know how it went. i'm not even going to try to describe it.

fuck yes, my seats were lovely, as well.

I'll Back You Up [tease]
So Much To Say
One Sweet World
Dancing Nancies
Warehouse
Dream Girl
Hello Again
Out Of My Hands
Grey Street
Hunger For The Great Light
Smooth Rider
Crash
Bartender
Stir It Up [tease]
Louisiana Bayou
Too Much

__________________

Stolen Away On 55th & 3rd
All Along The Watchtower

jess, on boyd tinsley: oh my god rye he's wearing an eye patch!!!!!!!
rye: no way! really?
jess: oh wait... no sorry. sunglasses, my bad.

this is a long one; i'm going away for the rest of the week, so i suggest breaking it into parts :)

orientation has officially scared me. wow, it didn't take long for me to be afraid of college, did it? get your bets on the table, ladies and gents. how long will i last?

the past two days were filled with handshakes, hello's and upper class orientation leaders who prided themselves on their utter lack of shame. we were coerced into wearing gross name tags (i was called "jessica," something very weird for me. it's just jess, you know? usually when people address me to formally, i automatically assume they are referring to someone else. jessica. it will take some getting used to when i'm older, i guess. but for now, jess is fine.) every time you wanted to know someone's name - slash - hometown you had to look at their chest, which is awkward. (both looking and being looked at!)

somehow i ended up being a bio major. beforehand, i joked that i preferred basketweaving, but now i'm seriously considering it. well, more seriously than bio anyways! i mean come on - bio 101, chem 101, bio 101 lab, chem 101 lab, calc II (that's calc TWO! as in, NOT calc ONE!!!!), and honors civ.

should i kill myself now or use my time machine to go back to may 2nd, the day after i sent in my acception letter informing pc that yes, i have chosen to grace them with my presence the next four years?

oh, also take note how i'm not taking spanish this semester. mm hmm. no room. i talked to my advisor, threw the first small scale hissy fit of my providence college career, was directed to the spanish professor, who told me not to worry.

it's eight hours later. i'm worrying even though i know i shouldnt be.

i'll call her again tomorrow. goddamnit, it's taken me six years to be fluent and i'm not going to blow it now, no matter how positively gorgeous the bio lab instructor may be!!!!!!!

anyways, afterwards, my dad consoled me by buying super sweet sweatpants, sweatshirt, and shirts from a college i never wanted to go to in the first place. almost makes up for it, i guess.

oh! remember this entry? yes, well, over a month later it still looks like that sometimes. finally i couldnt take it anymore today and was able to go to my optometrist (who 's boyfriend actually survived pre-med at pc, incidentally...) yeah, so guess what stupid blonde wore her *yearly* contacts for 16 months? mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeee

i'm sorry if this entry was rather rant-ish. i do like pc, and i'm actually excited about it now that i've met such wonderful people yesterday and today. i'm trying to console myself by roaming facebook.com and reminding myself that these are my lovely classmates, whose presences i very much appreciated during orientation. everyone i met was so chill. definitely an excellent campus life, so i'm more or less stoked. thanks, guys.

tonight rye lau pat and i hit borders cafe and talked about butch lesbians. about 10 minutes later, pat wrote something on a napkin. there was one next to us. we tried to be discreet about peeking peripherally, but it was not an easy task - especially considering how we all read the note, then darted our eyes to her corner. ohhhh life, you crack me up. then lauren used the term "babymaker" and i think some vanilla nearly came out of my nose. i hadn't seen pat since graduation (oh-so-long-ago!) so it was really good to catch up on his sailing shenanigans and similar ish. and ryan's adventures of his first day on the job, about which i cannot speak because then i will be murdered. yep. it's that hardcore. no further information, your honor(s)!

well, i'm off to pack for florida now. i'll be back saturday. until then, my loves, i leave you with some much deserved pictures from spain (oh, the impatience of it all!!)

in our 400 shots of europe, this is my favorite. it is in burgos, which is a pueblo in northern spain (valladolid province), the hometown of ines' dad. it makes you wonder where the stairs lead to, when they were built, what's on the other side.... well, this alleyway peaked my curiosity, anyways...

burgos, again. so quaint and utterly picturesque. the main street's sidewalk, complete with necessary cafes and delicious tapas, treelined and providing sufficient shade from the scorching sun.

this is plaza mayor, where the bulls are corraled after stupid people run with them (god, i want to do that so badly someday!!!) see those little slats in the stones, about 10 inches wide? yeah - that's where people have to hide so that the bulls (and their ferocious horns!) cannot hurt them. mmm hmm, nuts, ain't it? i heart spanish people for life.

"i bet there are a lot of pedophiles here right now."

admittedly, i've been a bit neglectful these past few weeks. i doubt i'll ever be able to recount my time in europe (which i know is okay because i'm probably driving everyone crazy by talking about it wayyyyy too much anyways!!!) so instead i'm opting to post a few pictures at a time.

also i'm just super lazy and super engrossed in reading my new harry potter. i have next to no time to write. me? write?

my writing is such shit that it's a good thing i'm opting to be a bio major.

beautiful botanical gardens in Madrid

a house that chris columbus lived in after his second voyage to the new world

a fort shaped like a boat high on a mountain in somewhere i can’t remember

i just wrote a huge entry then reread it and deleted it.

suddenly i've developed a huge fear that i am entirely unable to write anything of worth.

i know this has happened before, but this time i mean it. how could i have ever thought i could be a writer?

suddenly, jude's not so hot anymore.

in fact, he's a downright jerk.

outside, thunder rumbles a warning and all the windows in my house are open. this way i'll be able to hear that noise that tires make as they hit sweaty pavement. it's so humid that the air literally weighs lightly upon your shoulders. persperation beads pop up on your brow and at the nape of your neck, a slight wetness takes shape in an odd form along the outline of your shoulder blades.

today i bought flowers for my mom because they were so beautiful and bursting with bright hues of yellows, pinks, and reds that i could not possibly resist. once a week i head downcity and on the way to my destination there happens to be this gorgeous florist shop, with fresh leaves and buds spilling out onto the sidewalk, a pink scripted hand painted sign advertising the bunch of the day. it's on a corner near a very busy intersection in a not-so-pretty-part of town. each time i catch the light there, i want to pull over and grab my purse and march in and feel the slight mist in the air and absorb the refreshing coolness through my pores and smile and wave and ask for the biggest bunch and take home an armful. usually i am too late to fit all this into my schedule.

today was different. i parked alongside the curb, walked timidly through the door and immediately sounded a tinkling bell. alone in the shop, i smelled as many as i wished. even the birds of paradise, my absolute favorites on the planet (they dont really have a scent, by the way). i paid and i smiled and i thought of how surprised my mom would be when i arrived home.

but i had forgotten one thing: she's traveling for work until thursday night.

no worries.
they look pretty in my room.

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life". I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you should not go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

lauren: what's wrong?
me: well... i was listening to coldplay... "fix you"
lauren: wayyyy to want to slit your wrists!!!

When you love someone but it goes to waste/
could it be worse?

Man Killed in London "unconnected" to blasts.

that made me ill. i want to curl into a ball and sit in the darkest corner of my closet and emerge for something important. (like the second coming of john lennon, for instance) until then...

::shakes head::

don't even talk to me about egypt.

god, i love him!

isn't madeleine's eye beautiful? apparently i thought so.

obligatory 'artsy' shot.

madeleine's driving scares jon.

madeleine's driving scares.... madeleine!

i have so much to write about. update very soon...

okay! right! writing! you know how that goes!

no seriously, forgive me, i don't even know where to begin.

these not-so-lazy-summer days have been passing by way too quickly. whiplash and blurs, chaos swarms but i wouldn't have it any other way. i'm making good money working 30 hours a week. every spare moment i possess is currently being well spent in the presence de mis amigos.

highlights that i can recall right now include:

1. sipping on colorful flavored water at tealuxe on thayer with the upenn's finest. jon and i first stopped at *the candy shop* (must be sung, a la fifty cent. pardon me, 'fiddy') first, then waited 20 minutes for a superrr skeevy barista (who eyed jon one too many times, if you ask me!!) to boil our water, just so he could put ice in it, as ordered. no worries. while we waited we talked way too loud for such a cozy atmosphere, catching up on his loveeeee interest and recent purchasing of a stuffed alligator. or a crocodile. we're not entirely sure....

2. visiting my heroine at her place of employment, strawberries. madeleine looked damn fine in that red polo. jon and i kept annoying the shit out of her (and assorted harmless browsing customers that happened to be in the rock section by the Everclear cd's). it was the best time ever. we were seriously there for an hour and bought nothing.

3. then we slept over madeleines. jon wanted to watch some movie (whose name escapes me at present), but madeleine and i sank into harry potter VI (which i had already finished and cried over the night before, thankyouverymuch) and the idiot girls action adventure guide respectively. it was so wonderful to just chill out with two of the bestsssss everrrrrrr. love you gangsters.

**p.s. - madeleine dumped her hopeless boyfriend and jon gained a new one! hooray!
**p.p.s. - this one is over 21, also, so it's alllll gooooood. malibuuuuu, baby!

4. jeremy and i caught a late show of charlie and the chocolate factory sometime last week and johnny depp was, as i'm sure all of you are aware of, amazing. (the sets made me crave sugar like nothing else! on my way home i stopped for skittles. like i wish i were joking... buttttt i'm not...) i had been waiting for this movie to be released since mrs. hamilton told us tim burton was remaking it way back when i was in 8th grade (oh so long ago haha). the ending is different, but wouldn't you believe it - it was good. nice work, timmy!!! also i super want to see the corpse bride, his next movie to be released. if i had to describe it in one word, i'm going to have to quote obi: "delicious."

5. rye and i totally chilled the other night and laughed at old pictures of ourselves. oh, and current pictures, too. :) original plans were to rent eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, but alas, we were too wrapped up in reminiscing!

6. beached it with jlb and then we went back he cooked me ziti. yum!

7. ate an enormous salad at fresh city with ms. lauren

8. caught fireworks at the st. mary's feast with rye, jeremy, pat, and chris jackson

9. was greeted at my car yesterday morning to a rose on my windshield

10. watched eternal sunshine for the spotless mind (finally). oh my god. it was so amazing that i'm going to dedicate an entire entry to talking about it. like. shit man. just go rent it. so trippy. and thought provoking

11. got in the worst 'discussion' of my life with my mother 10 hours after she arrived home (and 5 minutes after i woke up).

12. developed a very strong affection for all things third eye blind.

13. bawled my eyes out until tears stained my shirt.

14. saw ross. too bad we couldn't really talk, but we're hanging out sometime very soon. love that gangster.

15. drank obscene amounts of diet coke

16. my sun kissed tan from florida and europe is shedding all over the place, and when someone was trying to comfort me about it, he said it was cool, and i quote "like tie dye." en quote. smooooooooooth, that's exactly what i was going for!!!

17. taken disk fulls of pictures

18. hit up waterfire with jeremy and ran into gerry, scorp, dyl, beth, mark, and mattie.

19. had pebbles thrown at my window at 157 in the morning.

and on tap for tonight:

20. Lauren's birthdayyyyyyyyy! that's right, folks! she's legal!!!! to celebrate we (lau, myself, zack, julianne, ivy, patty, shannon, jeremy, jon, mike, stephen, matt (?) and probably a bunch more people!) are hitting the clubbbb!!! ultra, i think. meet us there. or be square.

psssh. first though ryan and i are going to waste tons of money on candy and eat it on the lawn of the gazebo in garden city. i'm going to be needing my energy for the evening!!!!

a true-life conversation i had with my mom the other day:

jess' mom: how can you be so selfish? jess, you are so righteous.

(this was approximately the 38975489715923487th time my mom said this to me, and, finally, i wasn't taking it anymore. i did something i had wanted to do for years...)

me (pulling dictionary from shelf conveniently at an arm's distance away) (in the absolute snottiest tone i could possibly summon from deep within): don't you mean self righteous?

(aaaaaaaaand scene!)

Self Righteous by Third Eye Blind
Take a dare
(Laughing)

Everyone is so self-righteous
Lift your head again and try this

If you want this, I do
And I want this, but I can't break through
And I can see you begin to glow

Everyone is so self-righteous
Get up everyone
Were on our own now
Lift your head again try this

And feel you, I do
And I want this but I can't break through
And your burning lights red and blue

Everyone is so self-righteous

Where have you sinners gone
All you sinners

What's ours is ours
And were all alone
What's ours is ours
And outside rain
It's just a shower
And then I feel you breathe
And I let go of the hours
And I feel your skin
And I let you in
And that's my dream
Again and again
I feel the hours
Sliding by
Get up on your own now
Way up all alone now
Lift your head again and try this

Do you want this
You're the only thing that's real
And we don't need to beg or steal

Everyone is so self-righteous

deep thoughts with ryan dean.

rye, geeking out.

yours truly, geeking out.

lau… yes… geeking out.

you know when you're trying to fall asleep and you're just thinking about the whole day and then you suddenly remember something funny that happened and you abruptly start laughing, thus erasing the previous 20 minutes efforts in the time it took you to think of it?

yeah. fat kids are so hilarious.

dan howe: ryan, you need to eat a pot brownie.
ryan: no, thanks, dude.
dan howe: why not?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?
ryan: well, you could probably trick me into eating one.

---

(after dan howe buried ryan in the sand at the beach)
ryan: can you at least give me abs? this is the only time i'll ever get to have them....

ryan and dan in gansett after running the blessing of the fleet 10 miler, indulging in some much deserved, heavily cheesed, much greased, carb-o-licious pizza.

jeremy trying to fit in and be a fat kid, sticking out his stomach as far as it could possibly go... ryan's hand pointing out that if your rib bones still protrude and the outline of abs are visible, you can never, ever be a fat kid.

- Bel Canto: A Novel by Ann Pachett
- Siddhartha: An Indian Tale by Herman Hesse
- AnOther E.E. Cummings by E.E. Cummings et al
- Life of Pi by Yann Martel