smileyjess

we're just sitting there in this very crowded restaurant on a thursday night, forks and very sharp knives clanging against plates and platters, waiters rushing by are not much more than blurs, we're sittin' easy and sippin' on diet cokes and water. i believe i was staring at the lines in the wood as she reminded me of how 'lucky' i am.

i know i am lucky.

(but it wasn't just luck, you know... it was a lot of sleepless nights and caffeine headaches and anxiety and depreciating self-loathing and shit that no one really wants to hear about anyway so i never bother to defend myself.)

anyone could have what i have for the next four years. it's just the fact that i was willing to put in the time, effort, dedication, commitment and similar ilk. i was willing to forego more than a few parties, i was willing to sacrifice personal health, i was willing to will myself awake at 430 in the morning to finish up that calc homework/ chem lab/ history paper.

don't call it luck. because it's not. this didn't just fall into my lap.

you want to talk about luck? you're lucky you have the opportunity to go somewhere you actually want to.

that's luck.