the other night i found myself sitting complacently buzzed in an on campus apartment complex of who knows how many very republican (who knew i would ever party with republicans? i like to think of myself as an equal opportunity party-er...) senior rotc guys who were more than happy to introduce me to the wonderful world of jaegerbombs and kings. after a few too many drinks, i think i must have remembered how incredibly depressed alcohol makes me. it was suddenly all so... blurry with too many noises and runny mascara and beerstained carpet and hot and stuffy and too bright. some guy spit randomly - when we were all very much not outside - and another decided to extinguish his cigarette butt by kicking it haphazardly down the elevator shaft.
to get some air, i needed to sit by a huge corridor window on the sixth floor and just collect myself. i had not eaten dinner (peach rings? sour watermelons?) and made the bad move to imbibe on an empty stomach. clearly a little bit more than slightly dizzy, i called my other half, only to discover that things were not really going much better 200 miles away. never had i ever felt just so empty in my life. more than anything, i wanted to be there by his side. i wanted to go to him and wrap him in my arms and perpetually remind him of how incredibly amazing of a person he is. i wanted to magically teach myself a foreign alphabet and hop on a bus to maine for no other reason but to tutor him in russian. see his smile. toss the hackey around, or maybe a nerf football, go midnight grafitting in the woods of bates.
after i hung up, thinking the call would have made me feel better, i somehow felt worse. my heart literally ached, and i know that's not from the 'vanilla' cokes. i am missing my best friend. more than i could have ever imagined...
Comments (1)
Hey there,
I ran across your blog through Snazzykat and have been reading your insightful entries for a good bit now. I've never responded to anybody's blog before (I believe they call it "blurking") but felt compelled write after reading your most recent entry. I've followed your college debacles and am reminded of my own drama when it came to choosing a school. I went from a "sure in" to the waitlist when my h.s. counselor dropped my GPA by .5. Instead of counting on the uncertainty of waitlists, I entered the *only* school that gave me immediate admission, Virginia Tech. I went to Tech hell bent of transferring at the end of my first year. Then the first year turned into the second year and so on until I realized there was no place else I'd rather be. I am a loyal participant of the "things happen for a reason" school and my time in Blacksburg only made my convictions stronger. Keep your chin up, you'll find PC far exceeds your every expectations.
As for your heartache for your best bud, I best identify. My best friend went to William and Mary, which is a good 4-5 hrs. away (although it might as well been 3,000 miles since neither one of us had any way of transportation). I have always moved around a great deal in my schooling years and never found difficulty in making friends, HOWEVER, my first two months at college were my most miserable in recent memory. I can remember nights spent calling my friend and bursting into tears at the sound of her voice on the answering machine. Vice versa as well. But it seemed those two months were a test, because I soon met a crowd of new, friendly faces who welcomed me with opened arms (and gained two new "sisters" to add to my adopted family). So buck up, it'll get better! That stabbing pain will ease to a dull ache, but it will only make you realize how lucky you are to have such a great friend, and you'll cherish the moments you can spend together on breaks, holidays, etc. (Also, another word to the wise, avoid those ROTC boys...they're nothing but trouble--I married one! ;)
Posted by Elizabeth | September 11, 2005 4:49 PM
Posted on September 11, 2005 16:49