the mornings are chilly, but the days are warm. at night i don't like to sleep under my comforter at first, but inevitably i'm snuggled up by the time the alarm buzzes and i sleepily hit the snooze.
i can feel it happening again, and i hate it. as the days grow shorter, so does my patience.
no one on this campus says hello when they walk by. for some inexplicable reason i find this way more depressing than i should. jack and i were talking about this on the car ride to north oxford, mass over the weekend. he is from maine - everyone there is uber friendly. we decided that pc has too many coldhearted new englanders sprinkled with far too sophisticated new yorkers.
i am missing the sun. i am missing the beach. i am missing the reading for pleasure.
i had a 3.5 hour lab today.
last night i was starving for some real food (the salad bar at ray just isnt cutting it anymore). my mom grilled peppers and onions and asparagus and corn on the cob for me. i read the economist and napped on the couch. i didn't realize how much i missed my family until my dad was driving away around 830 last night and i was standing in front of mcvinney with my 36 pack of skittles, fumbling around single-handedly in my purse searching with my fingertips for my id card. everything was blurry as tears welled up in my eyes and i sprinted up three flights to my room. luckily no one was in the hallway at the same time as me.
i'm not even homesick. i don't belong there anymore. i am 18, i am On My Own, i am Doing My Laundry, i am a Student, i will be Great.
please don't misunderstand me. i love my family, but i am able to recognize that i am in college now, and need to distance myself from the homefront. it's just... i didn't think i'd go from one place that i didnt want to be (mi casa) to another place i don't want to be (here).
i sat on a boulder tonight and talked to ryan, but it wasn't nearly long enough. afterwards i hung out in aquinas with chris for a bit while he just patiently sat and heard me out and reassured me that it's still only just over two weeks. i nodded and ate some oyster crackers and didn't stress over parietals. i wanted to stay longer but chem and calc quizzes beckoned to be studied for...
i think the main reason i feel like shit right now is because i haven't written in forever.
Sometimes it feels good
just to fall out in desires
And then the ocean rolls out
it's on fire.
-dMb-
Comments (1)
Hello lady
Somehow, this year at school, I have become overwhelming involved with everything. However, the most eye opening responsiblity is my duties as a memember of orientation committee, as well as being the commissioner for the freshmen elections. To make a long story short, I am dealing with tons of 09'ers on a day to day basis. You'd be suprised how many are having the same exact feelings as you are. I'm gonna tell you, what I tell them. Last year, at this point, I probably cried every single night. I HATED this place! All of the preps, the miserable apathy...everythinggg! One year later, I don't ever want to leave. I'm not sure how this transformation occured, but I owe most of it to my involvement in campus life. Becoming involved allows you to meet the type of people that want to make a difference in the world, who have more on their minds than beer. I know you know this Jess, I don't have to tell you. But I promise, becoming involved makes a world of difference. Student government is my favorite thing in the world right now, and I owe many great friendships to it......so its ok to feel down, lost, and whatever else...but dont forget who you are and what amazing attributes have gotten you this far..
ok have a lovely day
Posted by laura marie | September 22, 2005 12:42 PM
Posted on September 22, 2005 12:42