i hate it when feelings of helplessness just wash over me unexpectedly. just last night i was happy and relaxed and watching lords of dogtown and mellowing out to sublime at one in the morning over in cunningham with steve and today i slept late and went to cafe four twelve for lunch and only just an hour ago i was laughing on the phone with dan (who, it should be noted, was pissed drunk at 2 oclock in the afternoon on a monday), shooting the shit about how when i visit next week we will quote unquote 'tear up the fucking floor bitch!!! --- i think my shoes may catch on fire!!!' at a bc hotspot club.
and now i've just about wrapped up reading chapters 7 and 8 for bio. i caught myself staring out the third floor window at the rain coming down and shivered even though the pane protected me.
i absolutely hate the cold and i wish i had chosen to go to school in california. pepperdine, usd. stanford, if only they had wanted me. but who am i kidding - i can barely handle adjusting here, and it's literally a block away from la salle, twenty minutes away from my 'home.'
and right now i'm listening to ross' cd of gustav holst's 'the planets' (sans pluto because it hadnt ben discovered yet) and trying to absorb as much information as possible about yesterday's earthquake in pakistan. and i know it's absolutely fucking ridiculous but i just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and i can't even hold my head up to type this right now.
damn you, seasonal affective disorder. leave me the fuck alone. i think i just need an extremely hot shower and a nap (even though i just woke up a few hours ago and have a shitload of work to do that i left at school all weekend.)
mehh.