have you ever done something wrong and not known what it was?
today is christmas and i am Depressed. yes, with a capital D.
once again i received too many gifts that i don't really deserve at all - books galore, a much-coveted kate spade ipod case, north face gear, jewelry....
i recently started a new med and i dont think it's working out for the two of us. the entire time everyone was unwrapping presents i didn't even feel like i was there. granted, i was doped up on a lovely combination of nyquil and benadryl (guess who is sick!) so that could have had something to do with it. i do not know what is wrong with me.
i was just grateful to be surrounded by family. my nana prepared an enormous meal for the 14 of us, and as we sat scrunched together in the dining room, chairbacks rubbing against window ledges and pine needles of one of her five trees (the victorian themed one, my personal favorite), i was happy, truly happy, but for some reason the muscles surrounding my mouth werent working. not only could i not smile, but i seemed to have lost any inkling of an appetite.
i thought about it a lot. was it something i did? said? didn't do? didn't say? i missed him for three months. so bad that it literally hurt at times. and now i've gone and obviously done something terribly wrong because why else would i be so... ignored?
i feel guilty. i'm a terrible daughter/granddaughter/sister/godmother/niece/cousin/friend and this is just further proof that i never appreciate anyone enough.
dear everyone, i am sorry.
merry christmas. and because i never say it enough, i love you.