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July 2006 Archives

July 9, 2006

did you know that czech republic skittles taste different from united states skittles?

fro: jess! you're home! did you buy lots of trendy european clothes to put the rest of us to shame?

wouldn't it be cool if i had? instead i have multiple shot glasses from each city, andy warhol lithographs, streetpainter still lifes (lives?), fifa officially licensed world cup products, mozart profile molded austrian chocolate, a david beckham (:swoon:) jersey, mini-buddhas from germany, grimbergen, three bottles of a tasty vintage austrian merlot to share with amigos, french pinot noir, jewelry galore (because, you know, i didn't have enough already), beersteins, gustav klimt's "the kiss" on a scarf and also a coffee mug, handcrafted crystal, franza kafka's complete short stories, a communist star from the czech republic....

yeah, i know. i should have spent it on trendy clothes with which to put everyone else to shame.

maybe next time.

July 10, 2006

airports are romantic places...

yesterday at the airport i saw a broad-shouldered, dark-haired, khaki-pants-and-polo-shirt-sporting confident mid-twenties guy awkwardly holding a beautiful bouquet of pink tissue wrapped white lilies and queen anne's lace.

awkwardly because i think he was afraid of breaking the stems in his hands, so instead he held them loosely but then was afraid of dropping them on the cold tile floor where they would have been smothered by rushed footsteps and rolling suitcases.

confident because someone he had missed - someone who had missed him in return - was about to emerge through the arrivals gate doors like a breath of fresh air to rejuvenate the meaning in his life.

knowing as i was not this person for anyone impatiently waiting on the other side of the threshold, i tried not to think too long about it.

the unusual combination of queen anne's lace and white lilies and not the hollywoodized red roses means that he knew they were her favourites. maybe she hinted at it once, maybe she outright told him one day, maybe he asked her mom or her best friend.

last night i had a dream and you were in it, confidently/awkwardly clutching a single fresh orange and purple and green and pink bird of paradise flower and wearing anxiously searching eyes, quickly scanning the travel weary arriving crowd for me.

i woke up. i knew it was a dream.

i never told you that i love birds of paradise and i knew i wasn't missed the same way i had missed.

afterwards, i couldn't go back to sleep. i told myself it was only jet lag.

July 11, 2006

this is entry #1000

i think that's kind of crazy.

if i ever complain about my life again, you have my permission to berate me.

talking to dan last night, i realized that i've visited seven countries since last july.

1. england
2. spain
3. ireland
4. france
5. germany
6. austria
7. czech republic

seriously. if i ever say my life sucks again, i want you to hit me as hard as you can.

many thanks in advance.

i think that this is my favourite one to date

on deciding when is equally convenient to hang out

john: no jess! you are not allowed to have plans! only i can have plans!
me: oh, i'm so so sorry, john!!

i owe him so much beer for pointless apologies that i'm beginning to think working in bartoe's lab is going to end up costing me money, instead of making it for me.

oh, well. i'm not going to lie. joey, jaime, john, and laura ("one of these is not like the other...") make me smile.

((it doesn't hurt that patrick stops by once in awhile, either!! ...... and, yes, that patrick, allie.))

July 13, 2006

everything in its right place?

i can't explain it, but i can feel major changes on the horizon. i can't tell if it is good, i can't tell if it is bad. all that i know is something is soon not to be the same as it currently is.

has anyone else ever felt this way? things are good, i am good. better than i have been in a few months, actually.

i'm practicing differentiating psychological time and clock time from each other. too often (read: all the freakin' time) i am too caught up in things that have been and things that are to be, instead of simply just allowing myself to absorb with to the utmost extent of every sense what is present. i am practicing acceptance - of people, of things, but mostly of situations. i am not dwelling, i am not ruminating. i am simply being. i am present. that is all that matters. not what happened yesterday, not what is going to happen tomorrow. i am practicing a new mantra: "no matter what happens, i will create no more pain for myself. no matter what happens, i will create no more problems for myself." in not creating pain myself, i create no more pain for others. i refuse to contaminate my psyche with the negativity of problem-making.

i can't remember the last time i was this genuinely happy for absolutely no reason at all.

and maybe that is the change i am feeling.

July 18, 2006

i really feel bad for whoever designed this site...

as much as i love my research position in joey's lab this summer (who wouldn't? amidst an atmosphere brimming with TRIS and nitric acid and all sorts of sweet chemicals, we drink and play rummy while autoclaving cover slips and immunostaining brain bits), i know researching is not in my future.

i want to be a doctor - preferably without borders (and a worldwide bestselling author with novels published in at least 20 languages on the side).

this - the peeps research institute - clearly was the result of far too many toxic fumes invading the brain and ruining someone's social life permanently. it probably seemed like a good idea at the time, when they were probably incubating some tentative cure for cancer for a couple of hours before being able to experiment with it - but really... just... i don't approve. i love those hot pink and purple and yellow coloured sugar-covered marshmallow easter treats to death, but this... this is too much!!!! i want to contact this person and see if they have ever mingled with members of their own species.

July 19, 2006

license to funk much?

okay, life's crazy and i love it.

spent last weekend on block island with allie and gabby (and tessa in spirit!!!) mansion beach was positively beautiful, and we all happily sunned for a good 48 hours straight. the other 24 hours was dedicated to sleeping in, consuming sour candy, and sippin' on some home-brewed sangria.

just as wonderful was the quality time spent with rye on sunday night (yay, lawn flowers!!!!) and all monday afternoon. we walked to galilee, roamed aimlessly around the beach chateau, and caught up with meg, who's latest obsession is discouraging ryan from studying abroad because she recently cinematically observed hostel. ("i thought it was like, hostile. angry. you know? ryan DONT TAKE DRUGS!") many laughs and peach schnapps and a beautiful sunset from the breaking wall by george's.

i never told you about how amazing my time in europe was. god. thinking about it makes me wish i could just charge a one-way plane ticket back. it was that incredible. i can't wait for spring break and spain and sevilla.

ummm other than that... not a whole lot. still working in the lab. it's still wicked awesome. still working at the insurance company (600am - 1000am daily). it's still wicked shitty. but whatever, right? gotta pay for the plane somehow...

today starts my first day as a counselor at an overnight camp for young children plagued with diabetes. jaime and i are volunteering until it's over on sunday, so i promise i'll write a post of substance sometime after i return. i've been updating 100 things about me and searching high and low for possible sources of inspiration. there's so much i need to tell you.

July 25, 2006

"shut your yaps, you fucking boys!" -sarah d., age 5

we floated lazily in the eighth floor pool of the westin sipping poorly disguised light beer and playing the lifeguard game. windows spanning floor to ceiling let in the ironic brightness of saturday afternoon's grey clouds, and because i'm a terrible lightweight (seriously, ashamed of myself. two beers! two!) my head spun slightly when the light reflected off the soft waves of the water. splashing around with friends that i haven't seen since graduation day, i totally relaxed and lived in the moment, not allowing myself to think of all the things i should have been doing (i.e., worrying about leaving diabetes camp for a few hours' escape or choosing each of my words carefully, going over them with a fine tooth comb to catch all of their snags and snarls). laughs came easily and instead of missing them more, i'm happy to have seen the boys formerly of cunningham 602 at all this past weekend. it was especially wonderful to have steve in town and also to finally be graced with the presence of the world's one and only hambone. (we reminisced of our harry potter date and steve teased me for ordering salad... sigh... just like the good ol' days...)

leaving them around 11 to their guys' night out with marc and ron, i hightailed it back to coventry just in time for the first blood sugar check of the night for my darling little 5, 6, 7, and 8 year old campers. seriously. so adorable. the five little sweetpeas that jaime and i were fortunate enough to have in the eagles cabin were just... precious.

granted, they each had their moments (see title of post), but certainly we all do, right? having never even babysat, helping to watch 40+ kids - even with plenty of other counselors and the jolly good jaime by my side - was quite an experience... and an exhausting one at that!

wednesday thru sunday: early early mornings spent rallying the troops to march to the bathroom for showers and a little prebreakfast babytooth brushing was enough to tucker me out for the rest of the day! you try getting them all to get change, put on their socks, shoes (don't forget to tie their laces, which - no matter how many times you double knot them will manage to come undone at least once every two hours), sunscreen, hats, bugspray, bathing suit, et al and check their blood sugar, determine the amount of carbs they need, make sure they have enough insulin in their systems, and then somehow find the energy to repeat this entire process about 7 times per day (2 am and 4 am checks included!) late late nights with dancing flashlights and bugs buzzing relentlessly and begs to please-stop-playing-truth-or-dare-NOW-you-have-to-wake-up-at-seven! poorly stifled giggles as notes were passed back and forth between the boys' and girls' cabins, twigs snapping and leaves crunching beneath flip-flopped feet. campfires and scary stories (with flashlights clutched beneath chins, casting blair witch like shadows over eyelashes and cheekbones) and sugar-free, gluten-free s'mores.

jaime was absolutely amazing. that chick wants at least 8 kids. she was really the one with the super late nights and total lack of naps - i have no right to sound complainy at all. ::blesses her with sign of the cross:: now that i sort of have the hang of the whole "being a counselor and therefore being responsible for the well-being of the light of someone else's life" i definitely feel more prepared for next year. bring it on, diabetes camp. who knows, maybe i'll give babysitting a shot in the meantime!

i have so many stories that i hope to get written down at some point. i had such an awesome time working with the chillens that i find myself missing them - greasy sunscreen-skinned hugs and crystal light stained upper lips and late-night low level scares all included.

July 27, 2006

i learned something new today.

it is healthy to have feelings and emotions.

it is unhealthy to deny or suppress feelings and emotions.

feelings and emotions are proof of life; without them, we are lifeless, we are dead.

passion arises from emotions and feelings; without passion, we are nothing more than preprogrammed robots.

July 28, 2006

never have i simultaneously wanted and not wanted the same something at the same time.

we were walking and holding onto our flip flops and i tossed my head back laughing and a strand of sun bleached white blonde hair escaped from its loose ponytail and he tucked it back behind my ear gingerly. i tried to pretend it didn't happen.

July 29, 2006

nobody knows where you might end up

i definitely just watched all of grey's anatomy season one.

and i'm definitely in love with patrick dempsey.

oh, and ps: do you think i could ever be a surgeon?

About July 2006

This page contains all entries posted to smileyjess in July 2006. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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