i woke up and someone new was watching me. my mom had finally gone home to sleep in something other than the blue plastic leather broken recliner by my bedside. four nights in a row. i was miserable, and not very much company. every six hours i took shots of foul-tasting rotten egg scented mucomyst from an opaque medicine cup. i had slept more in the past week than i had in the past couple of months combined. i still wanted to check out permanently. i got up, avoided the mirror, and brushed my teeth. i crawled back between the white overwashed jersey sheets and pulled my blanket - the one i had received in the hospital next door 19 years and 6 days ago to the very day - to my chin and pretended like i was normal and the new person was not watching me. was not getting paid to watch me. was not going to watch me for the next eight hour period and then someone else would replace him. maybe it would be that nice girl from the other night, or maybe the cop again. this guy was 23. so close to my age. pretty much my peer. someone that, under different circumstances, i might want to talk to.
"what'd you do, jess?" i hated that he knew my name and therefore seemed to think he knew who i was. and fuck you, read the charts, mr. know it all.
i pretended to have fallen back asleep and he played along with me.
i am very good at pretending.