smileyjess

Who do you carry the torch for, my young man?
Do you believe in anything?
Do you carry it around just to burn things down?

Meet me tonight on the turnpike, my darling,
'Cause we believe in everything.
If we sweat all these debts then we're sure to drown,
So we'll strap ourselves up to this engine now.
With a god who we found laying under the backseat.

What did you learn tonight?
You're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing.
You're a voice that never sings, is what I say.
You were freezing over hell.
You were bringing on the end, you do so well.
You can only blame yourself, it's what I say.

All that you've taught is to ignore the things I was showing,
And sweep me under the rug.
And beating with a book everyone.,
That book tells you to love.
There is an ember in the heart of the kiln,
And its burning hot with love.
Burning out my sins until there's nothing but dust.
Holding me with care into your cigarette,
'Cause the god I believe in worked on a campaign trail.

What did you learn tonight?
You're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing.
You're a voice that never sings, is what I say.
You were freezing over hell.
You were bringing on the end, you do so well.
You can only blame yourself, it's what I say.

Who do you carry the torch for, my young man?
Do you believe in anything?
Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground?

What did you learn tonight?
You're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing.
You're a voice that never sings, is what I say.
You were freezing over hell.
You were bringing on the end, you do so well.
You can only blame yourself, it's what I say.

Feels like we could escape this.
I might throw it away for fear of the silver sun.
If you try running a maze of your lies,
It's too hard to save, you've thrown out everyone.

i hate everything.

but i hope you are having a good day.

we got the house. it's officially official. as of june first, allie, jaime, gabby, and i are the co-rentees of a beautiful little cottage-like home. it is yellow with a balcony on the second floor and a porch on the first. we have wrought iron furniture upon which to sit and take in our surroundings when the weather's nice enough. though it is only in providence, and on a street that i've driven down no less than a million times, it is entirely new to me. it is yellow. like my real home. it has rosebushes and a stone wall. it has hanging plants on the front porch and hardwood floors and walls that we get to paint whatever colours our hearts desire. there is a big bay window that is geometrical and therefore awesome. that's our dining room. we have a dining room. we have a steel door in the back. and brand new locks. we will have curtains instead of window treatments. we will be the proud parents of a beta fish and lots of bonsai plants.

res life can go fuck itself. this could be the best thing that ever happened!

three.
days.

i'm going to explode be made whole.

i'm moving to a new domain. i'll probably have it all set up for the new year.

this time around, i'm going to do things a little differently.

you probably don't think i censor myself, but i do. oh, i do. starting in 2007? nope.

it's going to be passworded. and it's not going to be for everyone. if you ask, i'll let you in, but if you're faint of heart, then i suggest you find yourself a more smileyjess.

i can't promise rainbows and butterflies all the time. and i plan on making a habit of posting more often. i'd post every day here if i weren't so terribly afraid of it being available for all the world to see.

madeleine and i were talking last night - it really is just so much easier to sit and type away our thoughts here at the keyboard.

people ask me why bother keeping a blog? well, because sometimes pen and paper just doesn't cut it. i need something a little more real. you reading my words make them real. if i write in my paper journal no one sees them, so they have no real existence. like the tree in the forest thing. if no one reads my writing, is it really writing?

i digress...

so. new domain. yes.

comment if you care to see where i go what i do and how i decide to blog about it. i do respect anonymity, but ill have to ask you to leave your email so i can send you the password, and you can be a cool kid. i promise... i won't let it be a waste of your time.

get ready. and brace yourself.